Poem -

All the times I have thought about death

A high window and I climbed the bunk bed steps then
fell backwards remember 
The girl that hung from a robe on the door
put my head in someone’s lap
Looking at the dead dog
Not feeling sad
And that man I was
Worried about being 
On the move and 
I haven’t felt the warmth of someone else since I was 
Eleven and sat on the 
Windowsill wanting to
Jump then in the tree
It was not high enough 
And then the barn window 
Crashing into the bricks and
Then walked straight out of
School and paced the railway 
Bridge not looking down 
But ahead and then 
Walking down the carriageway
Every bus and lorry 
I needed something to push me
And then the pills 
A rainbow of colours
And then the noose tied 
To the tree and 
Looking down and the birthday
Boy so close behind me and the men that followed not answering questions and
The baby that lay floating facedown
On the water and the metal
Masked corpses that creaked in suspension and the family that turned
It’s back on me and the forest and 
Now now I am back there 

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