I must refrain

I must refrain but let me explain
my pain
cardboard walls and cell block doors
slippery when wet...those tear stained floors
these puddle of tears captured my reflection
I’m standing head bowed...self rejection
I swear life confuses me
sometimes I feel like life just...uses me
I look to the heavens for relief
something to take away this misery and grief
I'm yelling out because I am hurting
I'm pacing because I'm searching
I'm constantly waiting
I'm constantly hesitating
just out my reach...hope lays
off in the distance...are those better days
without purpose, without reason
I'm just searching for one thing to believe in
I'm living my life like my last days are coming
but I aint running
nothing more....nothing less
just me, my misery and my stress
I must be too hard to understand
Damn!!
I remain speechless, letting my mind battle out this pain
until then....I must refrain!