Knockin on Rock Bottom

Currently stuck in a battle
With a substance I don't know how
To handle
War is a more exact term
Thoughts of succumbing to something
So strong makes me squirm
I wish I had what it takes
Or was able to learn
An approach or escape
To avoid the crash and the burn
Flailing thoughts racing
Fearing the monster I'm facing
Beaten to a weak point
Twisted crazy confusion
Serenity seems an illusion
Brain tangled up in usin
Life teeters between winning
And losing
To outsiders it seems easy
But it's deeper than choosing
Can't seem to dream
Without nightmares invading my mind
Stuck and sinking
Unable to climb
From a tightly wound bind
Didn't listen to the calls
Of caution
Rapidly arriving to my
Current situation
Heart beating out of my chest
Cannot sit or relax
Without manic panic attacks
Scattered disaster
My current mind state
Trying to differentiate
Being depressed or irate
Praying it will pass
Preparing to fight fate
Cornered by a malevolent beast
Got inside
And there it will feast
Until my insides become hollow
Same as my soul
Watching as I lose
Complete control
A puppet to this drug
That wants more than a prisoner
Wants to leave a broken down lump
Unable to move
It against me
I guess till the death
Anything goes
There is no ref
Deeply breathing
Staring at a situation so bleak
Fear and despair
I'm sure I reek
Shadowed from a cloud
Of torment
No quick fixes to solve
This hellacious predicament
I'm so fucking sick of it
Left alone to crumble
In solitude
Can anyone help
My voice is calling you
In this pit
I stand and I sit
Pacing impatiently
Drugs completely replacing me
Seems they are as selfish
As I
How many more years
Will fly by
Until the end
Engulfs my being
Question my reflection
Is it still me I'm seeing
Stuck below
This horrific monstrosity
On top of me
The end draws near
I'm lost
I'm losing
No way to win