No Place To Call Home

I see how you stare at me,

That deep glare in your eyes

Your judging me right now

And I’d really like to ask why?

Have you known my past life,

Lived my sorrow and pain?

No?  Then again, I need to ask

In judging me, what do you gain?

Do you roll in the knowledge,

You believe that you hold?

Or live by the lies, deceit,

And rumors you were told?

Let me tell you my story,

So you know all the facts.

The difference between fact and fiction,

And the real knowledge you lack.

Let’s start with my childhood,

Filled with hatred and abuse,

Belts, cries, screaming and begging,

Welts, bleeding, redness and bruised.

Cold water for bathing,

By our kitchen sink,

I shivered and cried,

But clean, I didn’t stink.

Cleaning our yard,

In summers heat

If I didn’t pick up each stick

I’d simply be beat

Fourteen years I stayed in a house

No inside plumbing, no toilet, no life

My siblings I protected and sheltered,

Until I broke and left all the strife.

From home to home

I started to breathe

Until they came calling,

Struggling with need

So I went back,

To protect them more

Working here and there

Spending it all at the store

But they had milk and eggs,

Full bellies at night,

Love in my arms,

And no more fight

Then along came my future,

A man who’d make me his wife,

I’d raise his child,

While he brought back more strife.

He cheatd on me,

And bragged to my face.

Of the hookers and women,

That had taken my place.

Then it came one day,

Relief in a pill.

An addiction so strong,

It swallowed my will.

I did not swallow to party,

To smile, laugh or get high,

That rumor you heard,

Was nothing but a blatant lie

That pain pill I took,

Dried the tears from my eyes,

Helped me get out of bed and function,

So you didn’t hear my cries.

That xanax I swallowed,

Helped me smile at you,

When I heard you laughing at me,

Because you only thought that you knew.

The three that I took,

Helped get rid of the smell,

As they beat me and raped me,

Turned my life into a new hell.

That morning I drove,

And claimed a young girls life,

 Was the day I took five,

Just to try to get by.

So I sit here in jail,

And ask God why,

Why he took her instead,

And let me get by.

One father, two mothers, four sisters now cry,

Because of my drive and the price that it cost,

They mourn for us both,

And the lives that were lost

I am only a shell,

Filled with all this pain,

Still wondering what judging me,

Lead you to gain.

So that is my life,

And I’m now all alone,

Three meals and a cot,

No place to call home!

Never judge a book by it's cover, you never know the story it tells.

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