Poem -

The Correlation

The Correlation

Of lypiménos
goodbyes
vaguely utter'd
to an ailing
rose,

a thistle splodg'd
to the memories
of a younger
love,

lilt'd to
a thorn 
vellum,

writhing
from the
notes
sung to
Edelweiss
in an
Orpheus
lyre of
allure ,

yarn the
softer whites,
nymphs jardin
to alpine
greens,

evanescing
through a fools’
hands,
the will to lurch
an acquir’d
drop,

back to 
shore.

 

με μια σχισμένη καρδιά, περιμένοντας την αγάπη
With a torn heart waiting for love

 

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Comments

author
Tehmina Usman

Such a smart and thought-provoking piece. I believe it to be so creative when writers decide to find other meanings or synonyms for words by using languages other than English. It is as if even though we may not understand it literally we can understand it as a form of expression nevertheless and that should be cherished. That sort of acceptance and understanding is what we need in the havoc of today's society and world. Love is the only way and love is my favourite theme by far when it comes to poetry. 

Tehmina xo

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author

I am moved by your words, as love demands it , it is also given to all languages throughout the world, here I was looking for the comparisons to that of earth and water, the beauty and pain and so much more, love in it's vastness like the ocean , us never being able to hold water in our hands, having it all slip away, only to scoop at it again and again.

bless your heart !!

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author
L. Barto

A wonderful ode to a lost and maybe dead love...this is poetry in it's true form...felt to the soul and interpreted by the heart. Kudos.

.barto.

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author
Nigel Cresswell

a thorn vellum
of friable notes.

dblankportrait this is wonderful and slightly sad and somehow mystic and a truly great write. Excellent.
Nigel

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author
Anna's Pen

Dear ๔๒lคภкק๏гtгคเt,
I love this piece-- the lanuage is beautiful and manages to convey so much in so few words. Thank you for this.
-Anna

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author
GREG TUCKER

recrudescing
in a fools’

hands,

I simply love these words Merrill!

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author
Tony Taylor

Hey DBLANK!!...,.first, the song EDELWEISS means so much to me personally...... My mother is German which is the language that song was first written in.....Austria is where Edelweiss grows in abundance and of course Germanic is their mother tongue...... and so I heard the song a LOT growing up...... but  the way in which you delivered the melancholy of the elusiveness in such succinct fashion is VERY powerful!!!...... another great write my friend!!.......PINNED this one!!......LOVE & ROCKETS!!......T xo 👍👍❤✴👏👏👏😊

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author

Growing up my father made sure of it we all had to look at, "  The Sound of music" I certainly have no regrets.

I am happy you shared the history of the song , that I deeply appreciate.

Stay blessed my brother🎩

 

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author
sparrowsong

Hello Dblankportrait...

Thank you for sharing...

Hugs...

sparrowsong

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author
sparrowsong

Always Great seeing you too...

Hugs again my friend!

sparrowsong

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author
Tina

Once we have loved it is so hard to just switch it off like we can flick a light switch. It remains within us. A sad reminder of what once was.  That is the overall feeling I got from this beautiful poem. The imagery was excellent, as always. The flowers, the mountains  and a 'drop' tear? 'Back to shore' indicates to me an ocean of tears.  Another fantastic write, my dear friend. Outstanding. Your poetry speaks in a voice all of its own 🌷

Tina x

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author

I wasn't going to post this , I certainly didn't expect anyone to like it, you truly are a pure light of courage upon my heart sweet friend🌷🍸

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Tina

The music/song you have chosen to accompany this poem is breathtaking.... haunting, almost. It really does suit your words. How do you find such music?  You must be a real music buff!  Well, however you find them, I'm glad because I get to read a beautiful poem and get to hear wonderful music that, for the most part, I've not heard before. Thank you, Merrill. Thank you for being you :-)  :-)  x 

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author

the music moves me it allows my soul to speak , I find myself wanting to  translate the melody into words.

με μια σχισμένη καρδιά, περιμένοντας την αγάπη

With a torn heart waiting for love

I am also fascinated by the many languages of the world..

it's now complete..

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author
Tina

Love it!  That last line being written in another language adds even more depth to this poem. Beautiful, poignant words but also the writing is strikingly different and lends, I think, a magical quality.  I cannot begin to try and pronounce the words ... so I just look at them and let them imprint on my brain as I know the meaning of them ... "I'm waiting for love with a broken heart".  Staggeringly fabulous ... as always!   x

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author
Tina

I thought this poem was perfect when you first posted, but you hinted that you were not entirely happy with it. Now I have read the actual finished poem, I can see clearly the more depth you have here. There is a strong Greek theme running throughout, in the background, making the words come together with so much more adhesion.

I like the way is speaks of a past love that tore a heart to shreds and yet still, through all the suffering, this heart is still open to finding love again. Of course the words you chose to convey this are so very much more beautiful and deep.  There is great depth and beauty in this poem as though it was written in an ink of tears. I like the way you used 'Orpheus', him being an ancient Greek prophet, poet, musician who was killed by those who did not understand his music. It lends such a depth to this outstanding poem. The more I go into it, the more I understand it and the more I realise just how deep it is. My dear friend, this is an outstanding poem  x

Happy Fathers day. Hope you have a good one :-)  x

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author

Aww you are amazing, I am so humbled by you taking the time to read it again, you are spot on , the myth about Orpheus the legendary musician, poet, and prophet, and his love for the oak nymph Eurydice, is a crucial part of the theme, the love Poets carry in their hearts the grief of loosing such a love , and going on with out it.

So much is being said here, I think I am finally satisfied with this piece 😉😀😀

my gratitude towards your insightful feedback and your kind words of encouragement.

Thank for the father's day greetings 😙

Bless you dear🌺🌼💐🌷

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author
sarah harry

pleasantly captured by the grace of your words as usual and imagery. 

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author
Ruelle

Does love always bring you pain my dear friend?

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author

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

Kahlil Gibran
 

I hope this helps answer your question dear friend💐

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author
Mai B

Spectacular piece with rich and diverse imagery. I'm fond of your writing style so far
Best regards,
May.

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author
charlotte

this is lovely :-) i always love the language you use in your poems and the way the words sound.. although there is a subtle sadness ringing throughout .
i'm guessing the song is a little sad.. i chose not to listen to it as im quite sensitive and can sometimes get triggered into tears, lol.
but i enjoyed your piece of writing, regardless. ..

these are my favourite lines

vaguely utter'd
to an ailing
rose,

a thistle splodg'd.... i love how you used the word '' splodg'd, .

yarn the
softer whites,

i like how you sometimes write poems from songs or attach links to songs... good idea to write from a song, its something i've done in the past

 

Reply
author

I am so grateful for this wonderful feedback from you , and I like how you pulled out your favorite lines.

Yes "splodged ", I had smudged before but I've used it already, I like keeping it fresh lol

Oh yes the music is a crucial part of my scribbling as I am captivated by it.

Bless you my friend🌼🍁

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author
CrystalSoulySR

Already read this four times 
Really beautiful and relatable to me

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author
Silent Dreamer

Of lypiménos
goodbyes
vaguely utter'd
to an ailing
rose,

a thistle splodg'd
to the memories
of a younger
love,

Melancholic (translation of the Greek word 'lypiménos')  goodbyes 'vageuly' (meaning not directly or clearly said, but still shown) to an ailing rose (meaning a person that's in poor health). The whole stanza could point to a goodbye not clearly uttered because the poor health. 

A thistle is like a thorn (mentioned in the Bible alongside thorns), basically the painful/less appealing side of the flower, smeared on the memories of the love that used to be. Basically point towards the memories, that were of love, have no turned painful/ugly (like the thistle).

lilt'd to
a thorn 
vellum,

Lilting is a way of speaking, singing, thus being spoken in a lilting way to a vellum (a thick cover for books that was made of calf skin) but now is made of thorns. So can be said, there is being spoken to a person that has grown a thick skin, but covered with thorns after what has been). 

writhing
from the
notes
sung to
Edelweiss
in an
Orpheus
lyre of
allure,

Squirming (body contortions) from the notes that are being sung to 'Edelweiss' a white flower found in the Alps (the image added to this piece could be a hint towards it). About Orpheus: 'when Orpheus' wife, Eurydice, was killed he went to the underworld to bring her back. Fascinated by the beauty of his music the god of the underworld allowed Eurydice to return to the world of the living.'
Lyre is a stringed instrument of Greek origin, which is pointed to as being mysteriously fascinating.

This whole stanza points towards a wistful light of hope within the dark. The squirming that is caused by the song ringing in his ears, of how he longs to bring his true love out of the dark and into his life, it's like all of nature seems to point towards the purity and the music that is attached to it.. (thus a 'white' flower and the legend of Orpheus bringing back his love out the dark.. all the while alluring music is being played).. 

yarn the
softer whites,
nymphs jardin
to alpine
greens,

Threading the softer whites (the pureness) of a beautiful maiden in a spiritual field (nymph: a mythological spirit of nature imagined as a beautiful maiden inhabiting rivers, woods, or other locations). Jardin being the French word for garden.. basically saying that the nymph is the one carrying the pureness of the Edelweiss (thus alpine, cause the flower if found in the Alps and the softer whites pointing to the whiteness of the flower --> all leading to a beautiful scenario of the greenness to which pureness of a white flower if woven or told ('yarn' could point to telling a tale) by the hands of a beautiful maiden). 

evanescing
through a fools’
hands,

the will to lurch
an acquir’d
drop,

back to 
shore.

Yet, passed out of sight through a 'fools' hands, which have lost the will to abruptly  bring the obtained drop back to the shore. Basically cursing himself to have lost the thought of the beauty found in the light of hope that he spoke of before.. not being fast enough to bring it back to the shore (could pinpoint to not being able to bring it into his reality). 

I have lost words of praise for your pieces, I just hope my essays show how much I enjoy them and how they're masterpieces to me, each one of them❤️God bless you and your beautiful heart, all my love✨😘

 

Reply
author

you've superbly dissected this piece, everything you wrote is spot on , again I'm amazed at how brilliantly  your mind works 💕

thank you so much for this mind -blowing review , my humble gratitude and all my love to you  😗🌷

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