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The Angriest Chicken 3: The Abernathy Exfoliation.

The Angriest Chicken 3: The Abernathy Exfoliation.

Hi, 
Again, do not read this unless you're abundantly wonderful, like Cheerie and PoetessDarkly, and have a warped sense of humor that enjoys chickens, and intrigue, and other monkey business...chicken monkey business, as you may think I'm an idiot, which I am, but you may actually say it rather than be nice(like my 2 fans), and then I'll feel stupid...which I do anyway, but we don't need to know that. 
So, bypass it, because it's chicken stuff that only brilliant minds like Cheerie or PoetessDorkly(sorry, Freudian slip- KIDDING!!!) would understand. Thanks. Over. 

Anyway, as you know from the first two installments of the angriest chicken, Phlegmus, the angriest chicken of all, made a horrible pun, and was eaten by the townsfolk in episode 1. In episode 2, Phlegmus exacted his revenge by giving Fernfeathers-Legfeathers a mild stomachache, and not creating a delicious Bundt cake for the town meeting, and McScroggins was then eaten after HE fell into a vat of Phlegmus and Stars soup. 

In this third(and thankfully), last, installment, Phlegmus' only friend, a confused yak named Estuss...well, not really a friend(Estuss is quite an angry yak(chicken-yak), too), but more of someone who Estuss would not chuck something at if he saw Phlegmus walking down the street(that's pretty close to a friend for Estuss). And surely enough, the day before Phlegmus' demise, Estuss stood posed to throw a manhole cover at the unknown figure strolling gaily down Ventnor Avenue, until he realized it was Phlegmus, and gently put it down upon Ernest McFlander's cranium. 

Anyway, this is their story. Some names may have been changed to protect the guilty. 

***Note: This film may contain nudity, or Chicken situations. I’m entrusting each of you to check your own ID’s before reading to make sure you are of age…Cheerie??

The Angriest Chicken 3: The Abernathy Exfoliation. 
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"Why??!! Why?? Why did they eat my husband??!! And why was he so bland??!! Could they not have added some paprika??!! Or perhaps, a chicken rub??!!" Exclaimed Gertrude McScroggins after sitting down with her Bridge group to enjoy a delicious bowl of her husband, Ernest. Gertrude was quite a connoisseur of spousal partners, and later refused to give her waiter a full 15 percent tip. 

"Elementary Particulates!!" - a voice resounded from the town hall meeting room! 

"What was that??!!  cried Leder McHosen, the Vice President of Chicken Affairs. 

"I'm a skeered!!" shouted I. M. Afrayed, Vice President of Chicken Affairs in Regard To Chickens Being Mis-nomered As Beings Afraid of Everything. 

"Please don't squeeze the Charmin!" shouted Mr. Whipple. 

"Subrogative Proton Adherence!!" - another cry emanated from the meeting room. 

(Cautiously, the prickle(a group of chicken) burst into the meeting room). 

"Oh, it's just Estuss" exclaimed Cotton McTweedle, Vice President of Vice Presidential Affairs, of the Gaggle. 

(The chickens had forgotten that Estuss, when angry, harbored a peculiar form of Tourette's Syndrome characterized by yelling out various, random Scientific terms). 

“Symbiotic Bioluminescence!” screamed Estuss.

“Why all the anger, Estuss?” asked Myrtle Cranemuller III.

“I don’t know…something about Phlegmus, I think. I can’t remember.”

“Sit down and have a bowl of McScroggins. It’ll make you feel better.”

(Just then, a violent roar of gunfire explodes into the hall).

“What was that??!!” – screamed Volli McBall.
“AHHHHHH!!!” – shrieked Bobby McYiddish.
“Jinkies!” – cried Velma.  

(Just then the source of the mysterious gun play is exposed, as a masked, sinewy figure steps from behind a pile of manure in the middle of the Town Hall, brandishing a shining AK-47. The chickens wrestle with the masked gun person, and finally get him held down. As they take the mask from it’s face, Shaggy, Velma, Fred, Daphne, and Scooby Doo exclaim in unison ‘The Finelli Triplets!’).

Velma explains: ‘That’s why the masked figure seemed a little taller than a normal chicken being. They were standing on each others shoulders to make one large gunman! (The Finelli Triplets were an angry pair of Cornish Game Hens who called themselves triplets because they weren’t particularly good at math, and had been cast out from the Flubber of chickens because they thought the 48th digit of pi was a 7 instead of a 6, and had always bore a resentment to the Gaggle).

“And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you frickin’ chickens, and your dog!” cried the Finelli Triplets.

‘Let’s eat ‘em’ cried McFlappers!

‘Rooby Rooooo!!’ agreed Scooby Doo, and everyone laughed had a large bowl of Finelli soup, and some McChicken sandwiches.

‘What do you think are in these things?’ asked Verne McGomerpyle.
‘Probably yak’- stated Peepers McGuigan.
‘Ischemic polarity!’ cried Estuss, as his brother, Phlappus was listed as the main ingredient on Peeper’s McChicken wrapper.

(And they broke for a Town Hall meeting).

‘Next order of business, we’ll be voting for the Vice-Presidential Assistant to the Vice-President of Vice-Presidential Affairs. All in favor of McScroggin’s ghost, say aye.”

The End(thank God!)

So, in conclusion of the series, I think we can take away a great deal of knowledge regarding chicken activity in the Pod(a group of chickens):

First of all, chickens are idiots! The 48th number of pi is 7??!! C’mon! AND they have no idea what a group of themselves is called! 
Secondly, chickens are weird. They’re terrible detectives, and probably never would have solved the entire mystery of the Angriest Chicken, had it not been for the Scooby Doo gang, and they’ve got strange names.
Thirdly, chickens have no idea of the hierarchal structure of a government(yet they pretend to), as they have about a billion Vice Presidents, and no other officers.

So, that’s it, Cheerie and Dark One. I hope this series was informational in informing you about the structure of the Chicken Gangs.
And please remember, if you are ever pecked by a chicken in anger, don’t get mad…just eat it.

Thanks!

M.
 

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Comments

author
A Lonely Journey

Hi, 
This is Chuck Mansion, I'm a noted sane person, not like that mean guy from the 70's, and I'm here to review this. 

Actually, I think this is a wonderful, endearing, yet flatulatory vision of some birds who have lost control of their minds(and possibly their bowels), and are on a one way trip into a region we call...The Twilight Zone. 

Does anyone have any mittens??!! 

***This review has been temporarily interrupted due to the insanity of the reviewer...but the story was still great. We can attest to that. The Management. 

"Straightjacket!" 

CM. 

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author
A Lonely Journey

Ummm...I know that Gorilla glue didn't work previously, but I also have some duct tape handy, so don't worry, we'll fix that beautiful face back up. OK? 
And, in regard to your salient(I'm not sure what that word means, but I hope it fits into this conversation) remark, it IS Cheerie, because she brings sooooo much joy to this site(and her doctor spelled her name wrong on the birth certificate, but thank you for trying to correct me, because I actually would like to be wrong once in my life before I die. LOL. 

Thanks my insane pal! 

M. 

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Hey Matt! I think people really enjoyed your little chicken expose. One guy said it was slightly less pleasant than his root canal, which is one of your finer comments. Let's see what some others were: 

- Methel Erman, Noted Chicken Mitigator and Phlebotomist, 
"When I first read this, I thought it was a recipe to create your own vomit at home, but when I re-read it, I realized it wasn't even that interesting...then I vomited." 

- Waxin Mellegs, Famous Hairstylist to Telly Savalas on Kojak. 
"When I read Matt's comedy, I laughed so hard that Dr. Pepper shot out of my nose, and struck a young Chicken Phlebotomist that was vomiting across the street...but then I realized that I had accidentally placed a Herman cartoon upon his story, and I removed it, and read it, and will probably never laugh again." 

- Feellin Mulegg, Acclaimed Mental Patient, and Long Division Specialist. 
"Scared me sane...and sucked." 

- McScroggins, Scrumptious Part of Phlegmus and Stars Soup Entree. 
"Thank God they ate me, so I didn't have to read that drivel!!" 

- A Piece of Poop in a 50th Anniversary of Woodstock Port-O-John After the Show, Prominent Smelly Thing. 
"Man, that stinks!" 

So, the reviews are better than normal. I think you're growing on people, Matt. 
M. 

Reply
author
Cherie Leigh

Lol...Well, I certainly have learned a lot of details about chickens, and I am not sure I can eat chicken soup ever again.  I especially loved your wacky sense of humor by giving Estuss Tourette's syndrome...Lololol...In a world that is too serious and focuses on negativity, you break that barrier of pain with your comedic relief.  I do not know what goes on in that brain of yours to come up with these silly antidotes of humor, but I admire that special place God has given you to share them without skipping a beat.  I enjoyed your story and hope to find more narrative comedies from you in the future...maybe of Llamas and their mamas, or a fox with miss-matched socks....or whatever tickles your fancy that will tickle our funny bones.  Enjoyed, my friend.  xo ;)   

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Thank you, Cheerie!! Love that you have a wacky sense of humor, too! 
(Love your story ideas, also). 
Yeah, that darn Estuss is a strange character. And these are all actual events in my life, so I just put them to paper. 
Thank you so much for liking the chicken trilogy. I think it's the pinnacle of my writing career, and will be remembered for many...seconds, and loved by 2's of people. 
I'm honored that you liked it, and truly, I'm honored to be your friend. 

M. 

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author
Marion Price

Mathew I have read your chicken work 😃😁 and I love it....KEEP WRITING!! 💕

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Thank you, Marion!! 
I love it when people like my comedy attempts because I'm generally depressed, but I love to write silly things. I really appreciate it! And I'm so glad that you also have a warped sense of humor, because I generally don't get many responses on them, besides my die hard friends. 
I'm not sure what my obsession with chickens is, I've never owned one, but I seem to like them for some reason. 

Thank tyouy!!!!!(that's you in Algonquin!). 

Matthew. 

Reply
author
Marion Price

Lol...chickens are quirky, so are you. It's good that you can use your sense of humour to help you through your lows Mathew...I just sit in the corner and wear black...🤪🤪😃

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

They are! Thank you for appreciating them. And they peck a lot of stuff, which is fun. 
Hey, don't you sit in the corner wearing black! You're a wonderful person!(Go get a chicken, it will cheer you up). lol. 

Thanks Marion!! 

Matthew. 

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author
Marion Price

IV 2 dogs and 2 cats and 2 kids and 2 grandkids so I figure I will need 3 chickens...just to spice things up... a male, a female and a spare 😆

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