Story -

The Gelatinous Chickens: A Love Story.

The Gelatinous Chickens: A Love Story.

Sometimes, when you think love is not hearing your call, you get a voice mail response stating 'I hear you, stop calling! I was in the shower!' - Benny Hana. 

This is a true story of such a call, as noted in the infamous, yet bemusing, prehistoric scrolls called 
The Flindermann Papers. Please enjoy. 

There was silence in the barnyard 
The once raucous chickens had stopped clucking
And no one knew why...
They appeared limp, and droopy 

The farmer could not figure out the conundrum, 
Nor could the evangelists that had taken up residence on the farm 
'They appear to be gelatinous' exclaimed Hermie Lechmueller 
'Gelatinous! You're crazy, Hermie!' replied the farmer, 

But he knew it was true. 

When the crowd of people took a lunch break, 
From staring at the listless chickens, 
The farmer made his move! 
He began ironing the chickens, 
On permanent press, to increase their firmament...
They did not respond. 

The townsfolk returned from their lunch break, 
And once again noticed the chicken's unsteady posture 
'They look pretty wiggly' stated Lechmueller's girlfriend, Muleina. 

The farmer became despondent. 

He had a irregular crush on Muleina since he was a young boy, 
And his loins were aflame...and he wasn't even sure what the loins actually were 

'Um...farmer, your pants are on fire in the front there' stated Muleina. 
But the farmer did not hear her. 
He was fixated on his lumps of chickens...and his smoldering loins...
And his love for Muleina...

'Why must my chickens be so infirm??!! He cried at the top of his lungs! 
(He had a big statue of his lungs that he liked to stand on when he was yelling lamentable remarks toward the Heavens). 
'And who set my loins aflame??!!' He screamed! 

But just as the farmer decided to leap to his death from the giant, four foot lungs, he heard a voice. 
'Do you have any chicken marmalade?' came a voice like an angel's. 
The farmer looked down as he was plummeting in a free fall from the enormous lungs, 
And saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen standing there! She was holding a pie, labeled Chicken Marmalade Pie, that was mostly just crust, and maybe some spilled chicken feed. 

Realizing that he was plummeting toward his death, but now had a reason to not plummet in such a manner, the farmer twisted in the air, like an Arabian acrobat, and snuffed out his fiery loins on the ground by landing on them. 

As he got to his feet, he said in a particularly high voice: 

'I do have chicken marmalade. I have raised these gelatinous chickens all of my life, simply so one day, I could bequeath them to you for your pie', as he gently placed a gelatinous chicken in her pie, although he wished he had not used spray starch when ironing them, but she did not seem to notice the stiffness of the particular gelatinous chicken, as she was fixated on his loins. 

'Well, that was nice of you', stated the mysterious, yet pie bearing girl. 'But why are your loins smoldering?' 

'They're smoldering for you!' cried the Farmer, seizing his chance to create a beautiful, endearing pick up line, from a previously embarrassing loin activity. 'Will you marry me?' 

'Ummm...are they going to be completely extinguished by the honeymoon' queried the Girl with pies. 

'They will NEVER be extinguished as long as I'm near you...you've got a flamethrower pointed toward them' retorted the farmer. 

'OK, let's do this then' agreed the pie woman, and they lived happily ever after. 

The End. 

 

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Comments

author
Cherie Leigh

Lol...Okay, this is certainly a love story like none other....I have never read a story with so many uses of the work "loin" in it. ..lol  Flamethrowers are erotic huh?  Who would have thought that the expression of "love being on fire" was literal!  Only YOU could come up with such a silly farmyard love story....I needed a laugh...and you certainly provide comic relief when needed....I appreciate your sense of humor in this day and age where we forget to simply not take life so seriously.  xo Love n Hugs, Cheerie ;)

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author
A Lonely Journey

Cheerie! 
Thank you!! You are so me, I just can't take life seriously because then it would just entail 19.3 hours of weeping a day, so I have to make it silly, and I'm so glad you see my wacky side as something good. You're the greatest! 
And the funny thing about the extensive usage of loin, is that I'm not exactly sure what a loin is! I imagine it can't be too bad as I've eaten a pork loin before, and if it's really bad, I'm not eating it anymore. 
And yes, love is a funny thing, even in a barnyard setting, so I'm glad you enjoyed it(the flamethrower was just a metaphor for some cheese...as I was really hungry at the time I was writing this) (??). 
Thanks for being wacky with me!! 
Love and hugs, 
Matthew. 

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Marion, 
Thanks for the like! I really appreciate it, although I know you probably think I'm a nut case, but are too nice to say it in a comment. LOL. 
I'm really glad you like gelatinous chickens, and I really hope you'll purchase some of my Chicken Parmesean Ice Cream that I'm coming out with in the fall. It's delicious, but not very good. 
Thanks for being wacky, too! 
Matthew. 

Reply
author
Jill Tait

Woweeee u
must b runnin outta ink Matthew lol but lol inside that mind of yours escapes a genius lol very clever imagery there my friend 🤣🤣💙💙

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Hey Jill, 
Yes, I am running out of ink(I accidentally drank it, as it was sitting right next to my coffee, and I wasn't paying attention). It was good, though, better than my coffee. 
As far as the poem, thank you. I'm glad you recognized my imagery, as far as the chickens representing the melting pot of our society, and the loin representing some area of our nether regions of which I'm not sure, and the goats expressing our desires to make weird noises in a field...oh, wait...I left the goats out! No wonder this made no sense and no one liked it! The goats were instrumental in the floppiness of the gelatinous chickens! D*mn! 
Thanks for liking anyway! 
Matthew. 

Reply
author
Jill Tait

Your crazy imagination again haha xxx

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author
A Lonely Journey

Hey! 
I'm so glad you put up with me! Thank you! I may be crazy, but I'm not insane, so thank you! You, and Cheerie, and Marion, are just fum, and understanding of our mental needs. 
Thanks again! 

Matthew. 

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

I know, isn't she nice? And she's smart, too, like Cheerie. All wonderful people. 
Thanks! 
Mtthew. (oops, forgot my 'a' today. I think I left it on my dresser, but I'm not sure...or I may have eaten it with my Alpha-Bits...I hope not. Do you have an extra 'a' I can borrow for my name until I find it? Thanks!). M. 

Reply
author
Jill Tait

(Jill throws Matthew some AAaa’s n he scoops them up !!!) 💙🤣🥰👍

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Thank you, Jillabago! 
I feel naked without my 'a' when I forget it...and without my clothes when I forget them...so I really appreciate it! 
Can you spare them?? (I don't want want you to type Jill T...ummm, I didn't mean to bring that up, I swear!!! I just noticed it as I was typing this! But you definitely need your 'a' for your last name!!! LOL. So, I will return it. LOL. Sorry! 

M.  

Reply
author
Jill Tait

Noo u keep my A’s hunnybun u deservem 💙🤣💙

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

But what if you write your last name without your 'a'??!! We'll be tossed in jail for lewdness! LOL. 
Thanks for the a! 
M. 

Reply
author
Jill Tait

Haha Id be Jill Tit!!! I can live with thatun 🤣🤣🤣

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

I know!!! That's what I was trying to say without saying it! LOL. 
Fummy! 
M. 

Reply
author
Jill Tait

Lolol wait till u read my ditty haha puttin it on now xxx

Reply
author
Greg Etsell

what a great poem I loved it
you should read my new one
called the honkytonk dog

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Hey Greg! 
Thanks Buddy! I really appreciate that, usually only a select few pretend to like my humor, so it's great to see you!!! I don't know if I'd really call it a poem, though, it's more of a set up for an 'insanity plea' if I ever get arrested for jaywalking, but thank you! 
I will check out your business shortly! 
Take care, my friend! 

M. 

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