Ripples in the dark
Artwork by my wife (some 25 years old oilpainting)
Evening quiet rules the room,
incense curling up (scenting our space)
calms me down after all day’s world
(I think).
Ripples in the dark
liquify matter and
old fears well up from behind the scars.
Dreams go bad,
beaten by the monsters.
Screams rise up, never making it to the mouth,
my wits scatter…
I cannot shake the nightmare,
too many words, too much world
telling me I am no man.
I wake up and
stare at the ceiling, seeing nothing, seizing no time to breathe,
heart uprooted, mind racing…
Alone, yet not alone anymore
(hearing my wife breathing in her sleep).
Finally tears well up and
break the hold the nightmares had
(for now I will cry alone),
yet I know they are still nesting in my soul.
My wits will find their way back - in the day
when world will be all around me once more –
I must seek the way out;
soul answers with an inkling,
letting me fall asleep again.
When next I wake,
it is to her smile…
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Comments
A shaky restless soul, reassured by a morning smile. Wonderful imagery and so much emotion. Love your art too. 🌹
It is my life, growing uo with traumatized parents who should perhaps not have had children and the choices they made after divorcing that messed up things more for bro and me. However, since 2017 we are winning the uphill battle. The painting is by my wife, though. Made a few years after the death of her mother when she could begin to deal with her past (part Jewish father and mother in Japanese concentration camp in Indonesia... Too much WW2 shit going on for her). But, we are bith doing a Baron of Münchhausen, pulling us out of the swamp by the haurs😭🤣
Fascinating to know, thank you 🌹
There's so much passion in this write mate, and in the art. I hope you've been doing alright. Really enjoyed this one. Sincerely, Max
Yeah, hanx, we are doing fine as yiu can tell by the last lines , after 38 years of waking up besides each other, we're still glad to have an "us". We fight our demons and are winning finally. I will pass on to the wife you like her (old) painting...
Nightmares & fears, and the last 7 lines are full of light & hope.
About the painting, please tell your wife that “she is gone but she’s
always going to be her queen”. Take care, John.
Bernadete
Hanx again. I will make sure to tell Eline your beautiful descriotion of the Skeleton King... For me it is the first time I am able to out the old fears in their real perspective, so progress and therefore an ending in hope (and that at 65🤣). The last two lines keep coming back - the first time they popped up was 38 years ago when Eline had just moved in with me. I think this is the 4th time or so, all in the same context... Poetry is my diary slash therapy🤔😎 btw the poem with the first time is on Cosmo, but you 'd have ro scroll all the way down...
Last two lines thread the whole thing with the ultimate meaning. 38 years!! Restores my faith in romantic love John. Congrats to you both on such an achievement x
Thank you and yes, we think 38 years is quite something considering our background. Both sets of parents did not get beyond 17 years... I once bought her a postcard (back in 1987 when we'd just gotten together in Amsterdam), showing on thr front side a pig saying "you are just air to me" and on the inside "so can I please take a breath" and nothing has changed, each day at lunchbreak we call to see how we're doing... Sometimes I distrust the lot, but mostly I am proud we made it... Only, hopefully we're not the only ones...