04/19/2023 Dream

I was in a village much different than anywhere I’ve ever been before
It was my home in the dream, but it felt temporary
I was in this room in the village
The room felt like an atrium of some kind
Everything was pure white, marble maybe, pristine, and there were many plants and rocks outside
It felt sacred in a way; spiritual
There was a man standing behind a white stone desk
above him on a shelf was a single plant
The only plant inside the whole room
It was in a pot and had just two green leaves sprouting off of an organically shaped, central stem 

I was looking at it and I already felt ashamed
I didn’t feel like I belonged in this beautiful village, in my home
I had damaged that plant above him somehow recently, and that was a great dishonor
That plant represented something very special to the village and seemed to have some kind of ancestral significance 
I felt awful, so awful
The man behind the desk stared at me, untrusting
I knew he thought I was inherently flawed, like I have no way of redeeming myself for what I had already done

I could see that the plant was finally starting to bud again… I must’ve damaged its growth, because seeing the sprouting buds gave me a fraction of relief
But I wanted to fix it more fully… I wanted it to be fully healed, back to the way it was before I destroyed it almost completely.

Next thing I know, the pot is in my hands and I am looking down at the green plant 
The man must be gone, otherwise he would be doing something like trying to stop me
At some point my mom walks into the room and sees me 
I look over at her and then when I look back down at the plant, the leaves have fallen to the ground
I am killing it again, but how? 
I didn’t even touch the plant

My mom jumps into action and is trying to help me fix it
She had the head of a deep orangish-pink Aster Starlight flower that she was trying to attach to the top of the stem where new buds were forming
We both felt frantic, trying to assemble this flower back to the way it was before I ruined it
My sister appeared and picked up the leaves from the ground, they looked crispy and brown now, and was also trying to attach them to the plant, to bring it back to normal
Everything we tried to attach or reattach just kept falling off the stem
It was very anxiety producing and I had a growing sense that we could not fix it, and that I will have ruined it further
I remember thinking the Aster Starlight was too heavy to put on the top of the stem… it was too large for the stem too, spanning out obnoxiously around the skinny stem that was never meant to hold it up
I woke up before we decided what to do, and before the man came back into the atrium