1:1-3 1

When I close my eyes I see you.
What do I see? I hardly know.
I hardly know you.
Just like the ones that came before.
I hope you don’t think you’re special.
Always feeling like I know them.
They’re personalities staring at me,
While I stare back at the blank wall.
In reality I know nothing.
Nothing at all.

I wish you could see what you do to me.
You tear me and my love apart,
With my silence: thoughts of you that consume me.
I would rather leave, than endure this.
I can’t be with you. But being without you,
That’s hell too. 
I wish I had the courage, to tell you these things,
My voice is silent while my heart sings.

In my sleep my dreams call out your name,
My body aches for yours.
All this I cannot help, yet it is a waste of time.
I feel my time slipping away into daydreams of you.
The things I’d say as you hold me,
Pin me down, hold back my hair and release,
Into me. Then the thoughts would cease.

Even this poem, these words feel like sin.
I’m with him physically, but mentally I’m with you.
I don’t know anymore, or anything. I don’t know what to do…