16 Years of Living

I am 16 years of age
memories haunting in rage
I remember a time of sadness
at ages of 14 year old madness
things went downhill
except for my papa's hospital bill
it was so high
as for his soul which almost stayed up in the sky
the depression went on forever
as my grandma hung onto what's left of my papa's leather
I was trying to be bold
after what I was told
he might not make it
for I had to baby-sit
they rushed him in
I wanted, wanted him to win
as for his soul almost stayed in the sky
his bill oh so high...
as the memories of the worst cam to haunt me
maybe it's clear to see
God needs him more
poor old man is much to adore
with a heart filled with gold
he had my love forever to hold
he'd gotten better but my depression stayed to visit
even on days my mother got paid.... exquisite
my thoughts grew dark
my sister was like a narc
I suddenly blocked out life
so depressed like Romeo and turned towards the Knife
people tried to be punny 
to me was not very funny
my mom wasn't there twenty-four seven
she always worked late past my bed time, eleven
I dressed in black
my cat named Jack
ended up with diabetes and died
my father always said he'd be there for me... he lied
16 years of life
turned towards the Knife
the Knife was my friend 
as my friend led to the very end
when one day I found God
finally laid back and casted out life's fishing rod
learning life's catch
baking a new batch
throwing away my knives
cleaned up and tried to help others to save their lives
for I was the richest poor girl there was
God showed me all the things he does
helped me get through it all
even when I began to fall
as the leaves danced in the wind
I finally typed God a than you message and pressed send
he saved my life
by escaping the knife
I learned he was always there
even when it's winter and the were bare
on days it rained cats and dogs
on holidays that we ate like hogs
he was always there
all the fruit he shed simple as a pear
i was finally feeling better
becoming a go-getter
even when I'm sad feeling blue
I hear God screaming, yelling " I LOVE YOU"
even when I'm Grumpy
or being scared, being jumpy
on days my past comes to haunt me
or days I am Godly and learned about how Moses parted the Red Sea
or days of being five as my life's molesting monster comes back
my mind, my mind often still often goes black
but God pulls me through
like keeping me close tight like a tied shoe
he keeps me going and flowing 
as the wind is constantly blowing
I'm glad I found God before it's too late
we all live on different levels trying to enter God's gate
because God is God and he saves all
even when you've lived 16 years and about to fall.