Poem -
A Fib
Arterial Fibrillation
Not looking for sympathy
My shark eyes are black
Waiting for a stroke
Or a heart attack
A self inflicted
Alien sensation
Electric signals misfiring
Arterial fibrillation
If I had a choice
To make decisions again
The same gravity would drag me
Deserving of suffering and pain
Heap misery
On misery
And go out with a bang
Continue to abuse alcohol
And diazepam
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Comments
Have had a heart attack, and from what I have learned about meds and the heart, if I had a-fib I would get a pace maker. That a-fib can lead to stroke and then you could be just hanging around with people having to do everything for you! to me that is something I'm trying to avoid! I hope you take care of yourself or if not, it is like my wife keeps reminding me, then I will have to do it all!.................wishing you well............Jim
Thank you so much for your vote and comment Jim. I haven't officially been diagnosed with A fib but I know I have it, too much hard drinking over the years has taken it's toll. I also haven't written in months so like I said....I really appreciate your vote. I will try to look after myself, I've just had a night off tonight.
You take care yourself too - Syd
Wow. I had no idea Syd. Truly, I hope you are ok. Without your poetry, I`d have no clue what would become of Cosmos! Lol. But seriously mate, best wishes to you, perhaps an early diagnosis is better than none at all! Kind regards, your friend Max
Thank you for your kind comment Max. I'm pretty sure the Cosmos will be fine without me, but that's a really nice thing to say. I'm seriously considering giving up writing though. I find whenever I do write lately...I'm having to force it. Poetry is like farts...if you've got to force it then it's probably shit 😂.
Take care - Syd
Hello Syd,
I do hope you have managed to get a thorough diagnoses. My husband was born with half a heart. And he faced a lot of operations and medications to keep him ticking. Although he died young, he did become the longest living person with his condition. What am trying to say (probably badly) is that yes the heart can be delicate, but it can be surprisingly robust as long as you get good treatment. So I will keep hopeful that despite your waning health, that you still manage to have years ahead of you. Thanks for an honest write
Gwen x
Hello again Gwen,
In all honesty I think this poem should be deleted (I almost did delete it). I wrote it at a time when I wasn't feeling myself and health issues I had were purely self inflicted. It almost feels like an insult to your late husband, it was written when I was feeling sorry for myself. I'm much better now but still haven't had a proper diagnosis it's more than likely down to bad lifestyle choices. When I write it tends to come straight from the soul, I don't pull punches although I never intended to purposely offend...Anyway I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your late husband, especially when there are people like me who bring it on themselves.
Take care - Syd x
Hello Syd,
such an open reply. But one that speaks highly of your mindfulness. Never need for an apology in my book. For one I understand how complex mental health can become. It can lead us down some dark roads. It doesn’t make you less worthy of any care. You have clearly been in some bad places which must of felt so troubling for you. I am sorry life has been a struggle. But within that struggle you have written and shared so much of your journey. Which WILL help others connect. So don’t delete this poem. It needs to stay. It’s part of the journey of you. I tell myself all the time that even the worst moments have taught me something worth savouring. You have learnt from writing this piece. It shows and I am so pleased to of stumbled onto you today. You write honestly and from the heart and soul. I hope you keep finding inspiration to put pen to paper and write
Gwen x