A mother's tribute

One year ago... my mother died.
Even if our personal relationship was not great, but bad,
hearing that news made me forget everything, turned me really sad.
So many regrets and flashbacks I've had since that day,
of all the things I've said to her, even the once from now on I will be unable to say.
So many sleepless nights filled with nightmares,
of that one single moment saying goodbye to her, while she was laying silent on her death bed.

One year ago... she decided to end her life.
To this very day I ask myself the same question, why?!
But then I look back at her own story,
and all I could feel was that she must have been lonely.
For that I'm truly sorry, as it's a failure on my part.
Because I wasn't always the perfect son either.

One year ago... compared to this day,
still feels the very same,
as I'm still carrying that scar upon my heart.
Some days I can't feel a damn thing, on others it rips me apart.
Sometimes I feel so hollow inside, but today I feel just as lonely as I assume she was that very night.

One year ago... a story ended.
A story filled with so many fights and ugly words, it could ruin any person's life.
A story filled with drugs and alcohol abuse, finding anything and everything to make this feeling go away
and making a bad day, feel alright.
A story filled with stupid decisions right after another, that at a certain point she was so for gone already,
that nothing could make it undone... but dead itself.

Who was my mother you probably wonder?
Well her name was Wendy and she was only 48 years old.
A mother of five children, who loved to travel and dance.
But it was her voice that made her who she was, because she was very social with everyone.
Kind of the typical family person, who used to love her children more than anything else.
But 1 bad choice is all it took to make her slip away into a pit filled with demons.
As she passed away 6 days after my 31th birthday... and on the same day as my sister's birthday.

One year ago... my mother died,
which means she's gone forever now.
So to all of those who have family issues... just put them aside,
because life can be over in an instant.
The ones you used to hate, will be the ones you miss most in life,
because you didn't spent enough time with them, as we people are quiet stubborn.

I love you Mom,
Your son Roy