A Shrine In My Mind

a shrine in my mind
faded memories coming back to life
more than the
back-pain
bruises and agony
interpreting images
never meant to remember
maybe never there
like a passing chord
in a long lost song
leading to a better chord
a crescendo to something greater
foresight of all the little things we did
coloring the shades of darkness
bringing them to the forefront
in bright reds, yellows
and colors to taste
how every second mattered
...now realized

a shrine in my mind
is
the first touch
when we meet up again
the fifth, tenth
34th time
who would write about that?
those fingers
that would write me... babe
now cursing
swearing
how they once un-tied shoe straps
that gave way to your affections
love to disdain
touch of fire
kindling this heart to ash
not knowing the craftiness
found on your fingertip
... times ten

a shrine in my mind
building something
out of the air we breathe
bowing down
to something only found in my head
a picasso
the shapes I form
the absurdity of the unnatural
but building is what I cling to
taking all the pleasures that were
turn it all to my pleasure now
that is all that's left
worship myself
centered in you
what does this look like
...from out there

a shrine in my mind
how can you remain?
not a space to occupy
unless I throw down all
cast my world aside
and build you up
to exceed the stars
concoct a painting beyond perfection
?
but you're not real
not anymore
you're not tangible
just an idea at best
...what's worse, it will not die

a shrine in my mind
another day to try and tear it down
piece by piece
kiss by kiss
touch by touch
let it be
and shut it down
just let it be
it's only a circling abstract thought
nothing there
so i wonder...
how can the immaterial 
feel more real than right here right now
where i stand
seeing your name
coming through the world wide web
like a freight train slamming on
a 4 thousand pound oxe
heard for miles
blood and flesh
littered throughout the town
covered in red
lying there dead
...a defiled sacrifice

a shrine in my mind
midnight comes around
waiting for it all day
lights are off
close my eyes
shut down the mind
sleep is here
you are gone
the nightmare begins
no control of this horrible feeling
how i like you there awry 
feeding my soul
new and afresh
…creating ideas

a shrine in my mind
is how you need me so much
how you cling to me with your pain
you can't let go
you can't say no
here...
you are mine
here...
you won't let go
here...
we're face to face
here...
there is no food
here...
there is no drink
here...
there's only you and I
here...
you can never disappear
here...
this behavior endeared you to me
here…
I finally get to taste you spit in my mouth