A song in the works
Feedback? I’ve never written a song before. I would love some constructive criticism/pointers :)
“If you are runningÂ
I am running too
If you are mindless
I am mindless with youÂ
I want to leave this townÂ
With you by my sideÂ
Explore my soul like a newborn fawnÂ
And I’ll explore yours til I’m gone gone gone
There’s parts of me I’d rather not see
A future I make is all I can reach
But I’m not afraid of who you can beÂ
I’m not afraidÂ
You are my beginning and my end
You are My life and my bitter death
The longer I hold, the more we blend
I could never wish for a better friend
Let me feel your heart
I feel you are the one that’s real
And I’ve never realized this
Mistakes can be made so what’s the deal
Look into me. You are pure bliss
If you are runningÂ
I am running too
If you are mindless
I am mindless with youÂ
I want to leave this townÂ
With you by my sideÂ
Explore my soul like a newborn fawnÂ
And I’ll explore yours til I’m gone gone gone
There’s parts of me I’d rather not see
A future I make is all I can reach
But I’m not afraid of who you can beÂ
I’m not afraidÂ
Things don’t always become what we thinkÂ
Our minds can’t take itÂ
We sit in our agony and drinkÂ
But you could blow my brains out loveÂ
And my feelings won’t changeÂ
You’ve opened a chamber in my soulÂ
And you are the aboveÂ
I’ve never witnessed this beforeÂ
And I’ve got a good feelingÂ
The robins sing as they soar
So far, I don’t know what to do
It’s not ordinaryÂ
But I think I need youÂ
If you are runningÂ
I am running too
If you are mindless
I am mindless with youÂ
I want to leave this townÂ
With you by my sideÂ
Explore my soul like a newborn fawnÂ
And I’ll explore yours til I’m gone gone gone
There’s parts of me I’d rather not see
A future I make is all I can reachÂ
But I’m not afraid of who you can beÂ
I’m not afraid “
Support CosmoFunnel.com
You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.
Comments
Hello KARISSA!!…..This is VERY good poetically and lyrically.....which is pretty much what ALL songs HAVE to be......I love your chorus it's got a 'way cool' hook to it.....and all of your verses do have a great sense of rhythm and timing.....for a first attempt....I'd say that this is outstanding!!…..I'm a songwriter...in fact i'm sitting in a recording studio right at this very moment.....so you can trust me when I say that this is ready to have music set to it!!…...ALL STARS!!,....well done dear poet sister!!….I look forward to reading more of your stuff!!…...LOVE & ROCKETS!!…...T xo : )
Oh my gosh!! Thank you so much!! This made my day. I don’t always have the best hope in myself so hearing this from a professional is very encouraging! Much love :) I hope you have a wonderful day
I am NOT a songwriter so I am afraid I cannot comment on that element... I love lyrics and poetry though and talking purely from that point of view, I think the words you have here are stunning!
Have you written music to go with this?
Thank you! And I do not know how to play any instruments nor do I know how to write music. However there are a lot of musical people around me. I’m not quite sure where I want the musical direction to go to be honest.Â
Ah!! Maybe your friends could help set your words to music? It would be a fab song! x
This is very good and I agree you should put music to the lyrics because it will bring your song alive.
Well done!