A Story For My Lover

I'm gonna tell you a story.

There was a woman 

Who while seeking love,

was mapping her destination.

Then came along a few tripping men.

she took a few steps,

and she fell.

Sometimes it was a soft fall,

like a touch from a cloud.

But most times it was hard,

and she fell right through the clouds.

her body was scuffed and dented.

After every man,

came a new one.

And  each time she thought,

"He will be different from the last one."

And each time

she fell.

There were days when the wind was her wheelchair,

and Loneliness was her nurse

aiding her to where she wanted to go. 

And when Comfort was no where to be found,

because he was too busy performing surgery,

and her wounds were just too minor,

(They were always minor)

that's when men came flocking,

knowing exactly when to catch her from the sea.

But she clung to their believable kindness,

Despite what she knew,

and she fell.

Sometimes she sought guidance from above.

And when she was done,

she fell.

Then she saw him.

The one she wanted.

The one who will comfort her,

Who will guide her and love her.

He will make sure she will never fall again.

But he was too far away.

So she chased after him.

she ran and ran until

she fell.

Right into a ditch,

is where she landed.

her body was tainted and touched

by forcible scaly fingers

feeling their way in.

While her ears heard the voices

of those whose thoughts were so thought  to be pure,

her mind traveled to the teeny tiny place,

the size of an ant,

where everything was okay.

her perspective

on love 

had changed.

she could no longer see clear.

All she could see now is dirt.

she saw 

herself.

The same dirt that was once no where to be found, 

was now all over her.

That's when she realized,

she was the dirt.

And all this time she thought she was the victim.

Because even if she didn't want to,

she couldn't say "no," 

she was too scared to say 

"NO!"

So she thought 

"Maybe I am what they all say I am"

Why would someone like him,

ever want anything to do with

someone like her?

He wouldn't.

So she sat there

in the dirt.

she was empty,

but filled with mud.

And she let it out.

she let it all out,

and waited to die.

But even at the very bottom

of the hundred foot deep hole

she was able to see the little bit of Light.

It touched her

and she felt its warmth.

It felt familiar.

She felt that warmness before.

It felt as warm as it did,

when her mother would hold her,

when she cried.

And then her tears would go away.

That man had introduced some more of that Light to her once,

and she wanted more of that Light.

So much, that she wanted all of that Light.

She climbed.

To the top, She climbed.

To reach the Light,

She climbed.

To feel its warmth,

She climbed.

But she only got up a quarter of the way,

when her foot slipped,

and she fell. 

She knows the truth of the Light.

She knows its ways,

and all its stories,

and how often it was warm.

She wanted that warmth,

So She climbed again.

She climbed till She could see more than half of the Light.

And that's when she got caught up in the Light 

and started to think about the outside world.

she lost her focus 

and she fell.

She climbed again.

she fell.

And again.

And she fell again.

she keeps falling.

Why?

What is hindering her from reaching the top?

Maybe it's because she's scared,

Scared to fall again.

Scared to feel,

Scared to let him know how she feels.

Or maybe...

Maybe she secretly is what they all say she is.

Maybe she likes the dirt.

Doesn't want to leave the dirt.

Maybe she likes the way the dirt feels.

Was she going to let that stop her 

from receiving the warmth of the Light?

Possibly.

Or perhaps this time,

she'll finally say 

"NO!"

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