Alone

Waiting in my silent room 
Tears fill my eyes as the yelling comes closer 
At five years old divorce came knocking at my bedroom door 
It entered without warning 
Entering my thoughts and dreams 
Making me relive every painstaking memory  
It controls me now 
It keeps me trapped in the past 
Nothing belongs to me anymore 
It takes over my body 
Pain like my insides are being torn apart 
I break into a cold sweat  
I feel nervous and numb 
But can't seem to find an exit 
I feel the excruciating pain run through my veins 
It is the drug that controls my unbearable actions 
Crying myself to sleep each night 
It reminds me daily of their mistake 
Yelling, Fighting, Breaking. 
My guilt won't disappear 
It lets me blame myself for their problem 
Bad things start to happen 
I can't stop these forceful acts 
Performed upon myself 
When I try to escape 
It grabs hold of me with it's diseased hands 
And jerks me back into its treacherous arms 
I know it's not my burden 
But it disagrees 
We kept us together  
And then it broke us apart  
Lies, Trust, Money  
It's taken my faith 
And left me with my weaknesses 
Scars, Depression, Death 
It left me with a broken home 
Empty promises full of lies 
Be perfect, do everything right 
I can't make mistakes 
It will be disappointed in me again 
It's expecting perfection 
I'm not good enough  
Manipulation, Damaged, Family War 
Is it over yet? Is it gone? 
It's been twelve years 
And it still won't set me free