Already dead

I’ve seen love alive, 
I’ve seen love die... 
Does this mean that love was already dead, when I was in bed with the man who made me a Monster. 
And I’ve seen the strongest of the living in love die, which makes me realize that love is just pain’s disguise 
And happiness is nothing but one big lie, a hoax. A feeling that many are not familiar with because happiness has suddenly died. 
Happiness comes and happiness goes, but the sadness is there. And once it begins, it stays within, it resonates even when you find your happy place... because for some reason sadness overcomes happiness, even though we all yearn to be happy.