Another best man speech, for x2 best friends, who are brothers, at their brothers wedding. Enjoy.

Hello everybody, what a perfect day. (Ian)

Can I just say, it’s been a privilege to be here and share it with Baz and his beautiful wife, Mrs Lyon.

I speak for me and Stewart when I say being best man for our brother is one of the proudest moments in our lives.

Firstly, I would like to say the venue was the perfect setting for your big day. The staff have been fantastic.

The ceremony was flawless, even though Baz looked like he was struggling with all the words he had to remember, “I do”.

The bridesmaids look beautiful, but I’m sure they won’t mind being upstaged by our gorgeous Manda. I can honestly say I have never seen such a stunning bride.

I know my brother won’t mind me saying this, but since the very first moment he met Manda he was complete.

I would now like to handover to Stewart for our double act.

Hi everyone, (Stew)

Before I start the roast of Baz, I would like to again say, what an honour it is to be your best man. You are a great brother and an even better friend. Love you bro.

It’s time to share a few memories and stories that will let you know where our brother Baz came from.

I hope your ready for this bro? (Look at Baz)

Playing Chappie with Baz up Westwood Avenue: 

Playing chap door run is a dangerous game in Scotland. If you’ve seen the film “the 300”, its standard testing for Spartans and wee Radgies.

It gets even better, playing chappie with Baz, in Westwood Avenue. 

A Street that even The Avengers, Batman and Superman combined won’t go down.

To add to the fun of jumping over the front gardens of Scotland’s most wanted, we would dodge land mines, electric fences, sharks with lasers on their heads and the zombie looking locals.

Young Baz had a sense of adventure and of course, a death wish.  But who could resist that cheeky smile?

The girls loved him. Even the boys wished they were girls, so they could love him. That’s definitely still the case today.

Another game we loved to play with Baz was roof tig:  (Ian)

The game was simple. Find a dangerous rooftop and have a game of tig. I remember the time Stew was cornered by Vikki on a roof ledge. With nowhere to go. Did he accept defeat and let Vikki tag him?

No chance.

In true family fashion, he chose to fall backwards off the roof onto the ground below, bruised and battered jumped straight back up and remained in the game. I think that game is still on-going today, as Vikki still never got to tag anybody.

Later when Baz heard about this and the pain the roof inflicted on his brother, he remained silent. He walked to the exact spot Stewart had his accident/sky dive and asked the roof for a square go.

He took the roof’s silence as a “Mon then” and the rest is history. The only man to get the better of a building in a fight.

This not only proves the legendary hardness of our Baz, but also his loving caring side.

The secret behind Baz and his strength, fitness and super hero physical attributes: (Stew)

People think Baz was born with his natural fitness, raw power and a never say die attitude. But I know the secret.

It was all down to one thing:

(Pause)

Joyce’s peanut butter sandwiches.

It puts Popeye and his spinach to shame. I heard Joyce and her agent are currently talking to Connor MacGregor, Anthony Joshua and every Russian Athlete ever, who all want to know her secret.

Baz is not only handsome, strong and fit. But he is very well endowed…………..

(Pause)

Baz, did you write this?????

Oh, very well endowed, with the key life skill, of being not just smart, but street smart.

Sorry Sophia but your daddy knows all the tricks, he invented them.

Baz is the only man who allowed the army to join him: (Ian)

Baz joined the army and as we expected made both him and his family proud. He became part of the elite Para’s unit and this took him to Northern Ireland, Iraq, Bosnia and Afghanistan. 

But he admits nothing ever compared to the scenes he witnessed, with houses blown to bits, cars set on fire, rioting in the streets and bodies everywhere.

This was just a typical Saturday night in Kirkcaldy.

Usually when Caesars night club had emptied at 2am, after the slow dance songs of course.

I think there was a night when Baz and the Smeaton boys marched on the townhouse asking for a vote to get Smeaton declared its own country.

He even thought of a name.

The Peoples Democratic Republic of Smeaton.

Or, Smeatonia!!!!!!!

From one perfect Honeymoon location to another: (Stew)

Now that we all know, Mauritius is actually, a real place. I thought I better find out about its history.

Not only was King Kong born here, but also, Sinbad and his sailors got a bit mad with the jagerbombs and left the Golden Fleece here.

But all joking aside, the venue is perfect in a way, as it truly encapsulates everything about, not just Baz and Manda, but of course Sophia.

They are mysterious, and this is what I imagine drew them both to each other.

They don’t have to try to make others laugh. We are all just happy being near you. This is something that cannot be taught. It’s a gift.

They are always smiling, that makes everyone feel a wee bit better. And this friends, only happens, when you meet a person who feels lucky to love you.

But you know, you love them more.

Thank you Manda, for making my brothers dreams come true.

Can you all be upstanding, to the bride and groom?

Thank you.

Grant Wright