Anything else?

 Anything else?

As I sit here and ponder,
From my hospital bed,
On the world I’ve lived.
I can’t help but wonder,
Was it the way I was led?
What it was that I did?
The Things I did when younger?
Or foods I was fed?
Fireworks that I lit?
For thrills were my hunger,
Smoking weed in dads shed,
Being a little shit.
Over many a summer,
Getting out of my head.
Now I’m paying for it,
Through my pain from my cancer,
Through drs words that are said.
Through Every little bit.

So for 14 years,
I remained seemingly stable,
My cancer only bringing,
2mm to the table.
But the games changed now,
As it’s now volatile,
It’s Unstable.
But they won’t operate,
As I’ve 4 chest infections!,
That’s now turning into a fable.
10 months long,
And on it goes.
Somehow it’s able.
It’s like an inner rot I suppose,
Like the devils hand,
Rocking my,
Tumultuous lifes’ cradle.
Finding comfort in my kids,
My family and my good lady.

So,
1 cancer,
2 cancers,
3 cancers more.
When will all the illness,
Stop knocking at my door.
My back’s in agony,
And constantly knocking me down,
Right down to the floor.
As if that wasn’t enough,
I have foot and leg drop too,
I’m 35,
but feel I’m 84!

I’m falling to pieces,
Didn’t you know?
Surely you can see it by now,
In the gait I show.
Now to add to my problems,
I’ve left arm and hand drop,
And I can’t feel my left hand side somehow?
Why me?
Why not a murderer,
Paedophile or rapist?
Instead of my disappearing shadow?
Why can’t they be the ones,
To feel all this pain,
Anguish and sorrow,
I cherish each day,
Hoping there will be a tomorrow,
As life,
For me with my boys,
Is already time,
that I have had to borrow.
But I’ve made sure to make the best of it,
As my kids happiness,
I only ever,
want to forever grow.
Just like our happy memories,
That we make daily,
 As we are always on the go.
I do my best by them.
To them,
I hope that my proudness,
 I hold for them,
Is always on show.
I love them more than infinity,
beyond and back again,
This,
 I regularly let them know!
So all the negativity in my life,
Can take a hike,
Bugger off,
 and go!