Autoimmune me

One can never say they know all types of pain,

you start in the core and can drive me insane.

Some days I’m helpless and my hands are tied.

How will I get through the bad days without a deep strength from inside?

Waiting rooms, injections, doctors and tests,

still waiting for that day when my mind actually rests.

I toss and turn- you keep me up at night,

You wont win- you wont break me, not without a fight.

I sob as I write this. Are you with me for life?

How will I ever be an amazing mother or even a great wife?

I resist true love cause I fear I wont be enough

and knowing the obstacles I come with of course makes it tough.

Those are my feelings, if I had to speak true…

I need my body to be as willful as my brain- a deal between me and you.

“Fake it ‘til you make it” so no one else can see.

It’s my daily belief, what you do is personal to me.

Carrying you unwanted – you’ll never be welcome here.

I’ve had to embrace you, I had no choice, I’ve had to keep you near.

I cook, I bake, I laugh, I have fun, yep I even drink whisky.

I bungee jump, I try new things, despite that it’s risky.

To rise above the mental effect

can be extremely hard and demands respect.

Without my family’s support and care

I’d continuously think the deal I was dealt is unfair.

I’m grateful for the people who surround me with smiles each day,

maybe one day I’ll have the guts and strength to say.

Life with you is both easy and hard,

but each day I’m still breathing- maybe I have drawn the lucky card…