Beer Goggles

I awoke
I think the morning after
a long and drunken night
full of fun and laughter
I look
through hazy blurred vision
I survey the room
it's only filled with confusion
I'm lost
don't recognise a single thing
a hand strokes my back
'I got lucky' I'm thinking
But no
beside me is a sight
right now I just wish
I could go and die of fright
she lays
smiling,  eyes open wide
she's such an ugly lass
wallowing here by my side
I'll go
make up an emergency
I try to move, time to leave
but now she's sitting up on me
Oh god
my legs are going numb
what happened last night
just look at the size of her bum
Panic !
I tell her I have to leave
the rolls of fat before me
make me really want to heave
'I have work'
but she begins her attack
she climbs up higher on me
now I'm flat on my back
The fear
she is squatting on my face
opens her legs wider
disappearing without a trace
Oh crap
hope no one saw me come here
the shit we get up to
when our brains are dulled with beer
she cums
I'm drowning, she wants more
bouncing so hard on my shaft
my balls are bruised and really sore
Want to die
no more drinks and no more slags
her breasts, hanging before me
like two full shopping bags
she says
I've got something that you'll love
I'll get my 'cat o nine tails'
and my pink fluffy handcuffs
I leave
before she comes back for more
grab my clothes, get half dressed
then I'm bolting out the door
so now
when the lads want to go out
designated driver
is what I'm all about !