Standing still amongst the crows

They take your passion they rob your goals they stick you down a rotten hole , they steal your vision and cause division and shut all the doors ,  

It’s crazy to think I created delight and all of a sudden I’m trapped with no passion or direction due to this infection , I’m a creative person guided by smiles it certainly powers my direction 

as a boxing coach , former soldier and father of 3 children on the autistic spectrum I’m powerless without my sense of direction , like an angry bear with a thousand yard stair I think I’m lost to the world will anyone care ? 

10 years ago with 8 years served the Army sent me on my merry way with no hope shattered dreams and one days pay they made me feel it was my fault I was this way , they crumpled me up an threw me away !

Ten years on I battled back with help and guidance I achieved it all , I built my oasis of hope , hundreds helped the more I helped the more I coped , I helped the disabled , aspiring boxers and veterans by sharing the passion of my ancient sport , I feed the flame until it’s a roaring fire and guide my boxers beyond the fear until everything becomes clear .

I sit here now completely lost constantly revisited by the ghost her body lying lifeless exactly like it was all those years ago , I took the queens shilling after I was a witness to that accidental killing , I sit here now with sand between my finger nails like it’s fucking april 2005 the longer this goes on I’m worried PTSD will consume me again and all of a sudden I become a fantastic ballistic warped statistic or worse remembered as a crazy person ! 

This wasn’t meant to happen I rebuilt my life , I ran the marathon and supposedly made the finish line , they take your passion they rob your goals they stick you down a rotten hole 
they steal your vision and cause division and shut all the doors , with no plan B you fight this virus without realising many will perish with no symptoms of this infection you removed there sense of direction and returned them to the horror of before ,

I had a traumatic past , I battled back I had a blast and helping others helped me recover fast and finally I was at peace , but little did I know the memories of the deceased were hidden and waiting to be unleashed .

I’m not a poet , I’m not a writer but I was born a fighter and writing this has made my chaotic head lighter , I’ll carry the burden and shoulder the worry and one day my passion will return my vision and the hope I had won’t be boxed in by fear , this wasn’t written this was transferred this is my life and requires no scribe . 

This wasn’t meant to happen I rebuilt my life , I ran the marathon and supposedly made the finish line , they take your passion they rob your goals they stick you down a rotten hole 
they steal your vision and cause division and shut all the doors .