Beloved

my beloved child 
wish to see the twinkle in your eyes 
hear your bubbly giggle 
feel your hand hug my thumb 
smile to show your gums
carry your soul in my arms 
however 
silence was given instead 
a future ended
my special star had fallen 
spreading into pieces like
seeds to grow a garden to
bring back color in my life
a world I thought was planned 
had an outcome with differences 
a wave of gut feeling pain and responsibility 
twisted triggers flickering in mind 
causing deep trouble of the mentality to one being
my child 
apologies for being selfish 
home for you presently is paradise 
you are loved forevermore