The Best Worst Thing

I tell him it's black, wanting him to say white. I'm pushing him left, but I'm forcing him right. He's locked in my cage, but I tell him he's free. He can do what he wants, but he must obey me. The glass is half full, but half empty as well, I say he's my heaven then make out he's hell. I tell him his feelings, even though I'm so wrong, I've never listened, just heard all along. Why can't he see things from my point of view, he shouldn't have opinions, his own paths to choose. I say he can breathe while he's suffocating inside, I'm ignorant and stupid, filled with intellect and pride. I tell him he can't, doing what he's not allowed, give him all the space he desires, but constantly overcrowd. He's my everything, my world, my heart and my soul, he's disgusting and nasty, a frightening black hole. My safety, my protection, my own peace of mind.....my horror, my fear and the words I can't find. I say it's my fault, but I blame it on him. I cause all the problems, make him feel he can't win. Why can't I see what I'm putting him through, how much I confuse him, the things that I do. One day I'll say I'm alive and I'm free, but feel lonely, like dying......now I finally see......