Poem -

Blissfully unaware

How was I to know?

Blissfully unaware....

At just 15th years old,
Life was good,
Not knowing it was when my cancer had started,
As I was 19 when I was told.
I was blissfully unaware,
Β Toking and smoking weed,
With seemingly no worries,
No needs in the world for me to care.
So I carried on.
Speed and beer.
With 100s of pound,
Some for that there,
Some for that here,
Money being spent,
Β All started from my 13th year!
Money and alcohol,
the 3 worst things you can mix in the world,
Especially being ,
A vulnerable 13 yr old child.
We used to go raving,
In the middle of nowhere,
Out in the suffolk and Norfolk wilds.
Could be in a barn,
A forest or quarry,
Everyone raving with no cares,
No strife or worry.
Not like clubbing in towns,
Where people get stabbed by the knives that others carry,
Just there to provoke you,
Β Thinking they’ve something to prove,
Β stabbing a passer bye,
Just cos he thought he caught your eye,
Β Stood there waiting,
Β in the kebabby line!
Nothing like that in our old-school,
Β drum n bass country raves,
We were always peacefull,
Although some seem crazed,
I know it happens,
But I’ve never seen trouble at any point of my raving days,
When we were young,
With no worries I thought,
Back in the day...
I knew though,
I remember thinking from that age,
That I had a lump on the base of my foot that popped up,
Playing tennis in a summer’s evening haze.
Nothing to worry about,
So 2 years we waited for them to finally take the lump out.
Just as we thought he said,
Its non malignant,
So no need to worry,
Just physio for Achilles heel,
Then seen me off in a hurry.
2 years of suffering,
Not knowing the cause of my pain,
For 2 whole years,
He had me going insane.Β 
So what a surprise,
At 19,
In 2004,
To find out I’d been living life blissfully unaware,
With a fearsome cancer,
Finding out the 1st dr didnt get a second opinion,
He was found guilty of misconduct,
Through gross negligence in his medical care.
I’m not doing to bad now,
From having 2 to 3 weeks left,
My battle has carried on for the last 16 years !
I dont know,
I’m a living miracle i suppose and I’ll continue to be one,
Right till the end,
My demise.
My time is yet to come,
So come with me on a journey,
To Look at a life full of colour,
Through a supposedly dying fathers eyes,
What do they know,
As from the ashes we rise!
I’m nearly 35 now and still I’m breathing,
I've gotΒ  3 boys that mean the world and more to me,
their mums not around but we are still a happy little family...
So by now you should all be able to see,
How cannabis has kept me from this earth leaving my sweet family!
16 years cannabis has kept my cancer at bay!
No pain,
No gain,
Only seeing my cancer,
As an obstacle in my way.
Left and right,
Up and through,
It doesn’t matter which path I choose,
As each leads to the same sad fate.
In this game,
In the end,
We always lose....

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james bevan

Is just a glimpse into past. The thing is I had an amazing childhood and such loving parents but lived in a boring dead end village with a vicar (not a paedophile) whom have us hundreds of pounds if we just asked so kids with money get attention from drug dealers and so the spiral is downward. I was lucky to have 2 life changers for me. 1st my cancer and then my amazing 3 boys. thank you and kind regards, james

Barry Childs

Fabulous poetry, James. sad but beautiful. Well done mate. Stay safe.Β  Barry