Blow and weed give me my fixes that I need

"This is a very intense poem that is true, and it is very sad and painful going through this. I am trying to fight the habit but the monster takes over and I can't fight what the monster feels and wants, so this is what I am going through dealing with drug abuse and how it feels to be on blow and weed. I hope that no one judges me bad because of what I am going through and the struggles I have to face"- Amanda Day

It feels amazing getting took to another land,
far far away in a pipe,
or a sniff of snow,
getting lost in the feeling of
happiness,
but after when the party is over,
feeling of hate and bitterness gets lost in my screams and looks,
feeling the monster grow I go out and sell my body for a fix,
it's a terrible habit I know,
my baby doesn't know what I do to shush my demons,
to stop the thoughts,
the endless cries and screams,
getting taken over,
I sniff and take a hit of weed and blow,
nothing like that it calms me down and leaves me wanting more and more,
till I can't get fixed anymore and I need something to stop the clawing 
in my brains at my heart,
it kills you inside,
trying to get out and break free I toss what I had left and just wait out the reactions,
the smart remarks and bitterness that leaks of ink from the corners of my mouth,
all i can think about is my fix,
about feeling better,
harming myself I can't help but smile because of the monster that is satisfied as the
ralization me sits there crying for help but the monster takes over and hushes the little
girl and me and makes me do adult decisions,
adult mistakes,
the monster rawrs and I want,
need more,
and more,
until I float on a cloud far away,
no way to return the old me