But all this time....

For what seems to be the longest time now I've been listening when you say you want us to take time, when you say you love me, you miss me too..... when you tell me to stop pushing, to stop feeling..... 
For what seems to be the longest time I have been asking, begging, crying....
All this time I have been asking questions because it hurts way more than what your story says..... 
All this time I have been begging for you to be true towards me.....
All this time I have been crying because...
As much as you say you still love me and that your plan is always to be with me....
I haven't seen it in your eyes, I haven't felt it in your touch, I haven't seen the love you say you have.....
I wait and I wait for that moment when I can believe the words that I want to be true but it doesn't come....
I wait to hear you say you miss me, that you want to be with me for one moment, that the thought of me out of your life is not one you want......
I realize I wouldve been satisfied with only you coming to me, you calling me, you kissing hugging or touching me without me pushing it......
Those simple gestures would have token some of that hurt away and turned it into confidence and determination.
But you wont see it or hear it because what you want me to stop pushing might only be you wanting me to stop pushing you to love me.