CAN I HAVE SOME BREATHING SPACE?

With an echo that
Vibrates my ache so intensely
The emotions in me battle

I don’t feel lost anymore
I know I am
I seek nothing but calm
But it never visits
Mockingly it teases
A fallen man
Who knows little sympathy

Extending hope which
It knows will not exist
Living torments
Nothing excites me anymore
I just exist

I bawl my eyes out
As I grapple with a past
That has castrated me
I have signed a binding contract
With insularity
That buries me
Faith has long since departed
And now crises warmly envelop me

Hurt can do you so much harm
The tears come too easily
They soothe as they are shed
But the well runs dry too quickly
The nightmares begin
Almost automatically
I feel beholden to
A ruinous image of me

I will never set myself free

I am anchored to misery
I only trust obstinacy
Contrary feelings hypnotise me
I am rooted to wasteful quandaries
That belittle fiercely

Calm cannot find me
It glances in through
The mist of my tears
And jeers cheerfully
I should be angry
But I no longer care
What happens to me

One day I will plead for mercy
Today I will
Boldly let anything crush me
Tomorrow I will wait and see