Cancer

Waking up one day with a feeling you just cant shake leaves you uncertain of the days  that lie ahead how much more can you take?   that dam appointment keeps running through your head,it's as if time stands still in docs words repeating in your head ,looking at the fact you might be living your last days makes you look at your life in so many different ways,  what's the deal  it's Cancer and it's real some many think it's easy yet chemo therapy makes you feel so queasy, worries so many questions I can't just sit here,  How could this happen,  why me,  did I do something wrong I sometimes feel I don't belong , I'm slowly starting to lose my hair,  ugh look at me I'm a mess I have nothing to wear all my clothes are big and baggy ugh look  I'm so very thin  you feel as though you just can't win trying to be in your thoughts yet you haven't a clue where they end and begin? why do these things happen how did it all start ,  why do I feel my whole entire world fell apart?  why am I getting all these transfusions ? Why is my brain foggy like I'm out of solutions?  Medicine and steroids leave me so hungry why God why do I continue to feel crumby,  I don't wanna give up but the fighting gets harder i just want it to go away go away Cancer go away I say, Hope to one day become stronger I can't deal with all this pain feels I can't go much longer, God this isn't my last day please take this pain away I don't wanna go on but I don't wanna go out this way?  some days I'd sit up in my head although sitting up was hard sitting up in my bed,  as I look out my window in my head shades of grey in this damn hospital bed is where I continue to stay hoping tomorrow sees to a better days ahead and for cancers enjoyment hope I don't wake up dead , not being my role as a mother sister and aunt in wife  is something I dread  swear man swear on my life something that continues to run through my head thank you God for I woke up that to me is a  beautiful day and I look at today as my journey to live on, chemo radiation  has given me determination as I continue this fight damn man you we're so strong thinking you could possibly help me yet continued to keep me trapped for so long,  365 24/7 these are my days that I hold so dear ,Wow I'm in remission it's been 6 years  I'll continue to remain strong continue to strive on  remain aware of my survival  the scars that we're once hidden  I'll tell my story it won't be forbidden  for those we're my darkest days don't wanna relive them I'm not ashamed of my skin not ashamed of completion  you are gorgeous to me look in the mirror and own up to purity listen and take advice from friends whom we're once perfect strangers God thank you, you me brought to the light imma win y'all imma win this fight,  it's family it's resources it's that one true friend who will continue to have your back to the very end  continue to strive on my friend I know your scared I know you hurt no need to pretend though you are going through pain does not mean you can't regain,  life's what we make it let's see these days through as we go through this living Hell called Cancer as we fighters fight to continue to be well  and see our days through we can't lose no more babies we can't continue to lose our love ones and family Damn it Cancer you we're  my story now your my enemy.