CAPTAIN KIRK MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!

I,ave always been a Trekkie..well since the age of nine. I,ave voyaged on the Enterprise in all it's TV times..I,ave fought the Klingon nation( from behind the sofa station ) and have yet too loose a fight.Hell i,ave even killed the Romulans while drinking cups of tea  at night.

Imagine my surprise and utter disbelief;when I awoke one morning too find James Kirk upon  my little single bed.He looked at me and gave that silly Elvis grin. I asked him how it happened he said he didn,t know.The last thing he remembered was a massive electric shock, after that coup led by Scotty and that treacherous vulcan  Mr Spock.

I knew  I hadn,t touched the drugs and touched him to prove that it was true. He looked very hurt and said very curt . "son please don,t crease the shirt, it's new".HE THEN LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND BLEW HIMSELF A  KISS. I didn't know quite what to do.In fact I was totally amiss when he looked in the mirror again and kissed himself  full upon the lips.

I said "Excuse me captain" he said "what is it ensign?" which caused my knees too quake. "you've traveled some way in time and space: I'm sure there wasn't a diner.Would like some toast, tea or cake?" We joined my mum and auntie Vera down at the breakfast space and they played the perfect hosts to us at that little family place.

I tried too quiz him on Jupiter vi and who he quite liked the most.He ignored my pleas and on his knees told my mum she was the one he loved most.Then I squirmed as he casually turned to Vera and behind  my mum,s back had the audacity to tell her she was dearer and by far much  better crack.

I said "oh my God! " and knew I had to move and to the pub, I did ask to go and, to the ladies total dismay, he said" Hey ok", to them he couldn't be sweeter.To be in the street I was relieved before he tried for a joke; like a bloke on coke or had too many tokes; to poke all our women folk.I noticed his hair was thin here and there and beside me I made him look slimmer so what in hell's did he have to make all these women simmer?

We got to the pub and took a seat at the bar..I fancied the barmaid called Trina. I thought she'd be impressed..think me better than the rest..in eagerness carpe diem  I WENT FURTHER AND SEIZED THE MOMENT."Trina" I said in a casual way "do you know the crest on this vest?"  I knew she was in desperation." Why Trina "I said pretending total exasperation.."Thats the crest of the great federation , and the guy with it on is a lifelong chum and a captain in that said federation".Then in great bluster like a herald at muster I said in an officious way" let me please  introduce one hell of a moose and I hope he is going to stay non other than James t Kirk yes yes him of the Enterprise fame".I knew with that all resistance was gone and without shadow of doubt Trina was mine right away.

To my dismay from then to this day Trina instead went astray as she traveled with Kirk, on a mission, to the outer drinks bay. In an hour she came back in total and absolute disarray. Kirk gave a wink and that silly schoolboy grin and I started the Gin to forget.

So this is my plea to Andreos 3, Calios and Ballybofey please get this Jim and that most horrible grin away from the pits of my head.The last time I,d looked he mum and Vera.... had started a threesome ....So now I  know why Scotty and Spock led a coup and, why, he's not welcome on Deep space nine, any time.The man is insatiable !,any woman available!  I think I may TURN to CRIME!.Nurse Chapel ,Uhuru ,the green colored lady and even my Trina my mum and auntie Vera have all fallen for Kirk at one time......