Certain Decisions

and i know i can predict certain decisions,

but certains decisions turn into anticipation,

which form feelings of complications,

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and then theres the loud boom in my heart,

this sensation that you were creating art,

an art inside me which was growing less than falling apart,

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were you ashamed, is that it?

was i just a chew toy for you to chew and then spit?

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was i a bit more like you said?

or was i a bit more in my head?

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because there are nights when i think of you,

nights where i fear i won't make it through,

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and then there are days,

days where i know I'll be okay,

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where i feel the sun kiss my skin

this blooming feeling from within

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but fuck, why did you have to be so lovely?

why did you have to stand out from humanity?

why did i choose you out of all the fish in the sea?

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and how, how did it happen all so fast?

how are you already a haunting memory from the past?

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how did you take my heart and shattered it to the last,

the last blood pumping beat

which pounded slowly and dyingly.

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- r. a. s.