Certain Decisions

and i know i can predict certain decisions,
but certains decisions turn into anticipation,
which form feelings of complications,
⠀
and then theres the loud boom in my heart,
this sensation that you were creating art,
an art inside me which was growing less than falling apart,
⠀
were you ashamed, is that it?
was i just a chew toy for you to chew and then spit?
⠀
was i a bit more like you said?
or was i a bit more in my head?
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because there are nights when i think of you,
nights where i fear i won't make it through,
⠀
and then there are days,
days where i know I'll be okay,
⠀
where i feel the sun kiss my skin
this blooming feeling from within
⠀
but fuck, why did you have to be so lovely?
why did you have to stand out from humanity?
why did i choose you out of all the fish in the sea?
⠀
and how, how did it happen all so fast?
how are you already a haunting memory from the past?
⠀
how did you take my heart and shattered it to the last,
the last blood pumping beat
which pounded slowly and dyingly.
⠀
- r. a. s.
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