Cracks In The Dam

There's a drought ahead. Followed by a flood of negative emotions that have been barricaded in my head

For four years now these emotions have been held back by a dam. A dam made from antidepressants and alcohol but mostly diazipam

Some might laugh but this situation's not funny. I've tried to pay the overseas vendors but they won't accept my money

I used to pay by debit card but that was too easy, it was too good a situation, too good to be true. Now the future that lies ahead is uncertain and painted dark blue

Why can't they keep it simple and just accept my money? The overseas bank transfer isn't working, this shits far from fuckin funny

My stomach is starting to churn as the panick sets in. When my emotions cascade over the dam, then that's some deep shit I'll be in

As I'm writing this in, I can feel the wrinkles in my skin getting deeper, my face growing older, I here a 'ping' and get another message in my inbox folder

The message is from the vendors, the missing information to make the transaction complete, thank fuck for that, my head was starting to spill it's guts. Rotten mincemeat

I complete the order, I'm worn out, it's just been one of those days. Thank God there's psychedelics in the mail. I need to feel the suns rays

You'd think I'd try to sort my life out and I have, many times I promise. I've been to the AA meetings and narcotics anonymous

I've sat there with smack heads and alcoholics for weeks on end. Too much of my precious time I did spend

For now I'm happy with my solution, another quick fix. I'll just paper over the dam. Hide the cracks in the bricks