Daddy Issues

You walk with a limp like you got yourself together

but underneath those perfect clouds you got catastrophic weather 

and i'm not sure whether to embrace it or if i should just deface it but DANG DAD I LOVE YOU!

Baby girl 

baby boy 

life like no other 

left with six kids at home and just that one mother 

Life! 

I live it on my own 

WHY?

because we as children we're kids they disown 

going in every direction we're left all alone

NO food NO shelter just us at home 

seems like the only time you come around is when we get grown 

But other than that you're gone 

could it be that i substitute lustful infatuation for love?

or simply mistake kindness for trust 

using metaphorical figures to define 

I mean refine 

leaving the true me in the dust 

Can you blame me?

Can you really blame me for being attracted to people who show interest in my existence?

someone who is persistent, consistent whose smile breaks my resistance 

We all know its saying

the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice 

how will we ever know if the only thing we face is being abused 

hearts being tortured 

feelings misused, we have not yet come to learn something new 

its a real feeling i get of satisfaction through common conversation of nothingness 

the willingness to waste my time with me means everything for me because time cant be given back

sorry your interest in my existence was non- existent

I guess in the 90's being a father was whack !

AM I TOO BAD? AM I TOO BLACK? DANG DAD I LOVE YOU !!!

Respect from woman was worth more than respect from your daughter 

if you were in her shoes you would probably say abort her

listen dad i'm your daughter 

i'm suppose to be your baby girl your first daughter

but i see it's not enough for you simply because you never try you'll never know what to do 

 you had nine months which has turned into one now 18 

one child left behind with low self esteem 

you, your game was just a cattle to kill it was so strong 

now i have to sit here and contemplate on all of your wrongs 

begging for my heart to attend to its brokenness

it needs amends too, a man too?

DADDY I NEED YOU 

looking at guy after guy to cut into some deep hurting pain from past 

not realizing that they cant give me what im missing cause i cant miss what i never had 

i asked God for a brother but i never got em 

when i was 8 i wanted to meet my father but i never saw em 

after that just like everything you cant change in life, you learn to accept 

accept and move on, not accept and dwell in it

Yet i found myself looking for what i lacked in  a male figure in a young boy i didn't know it yet but innocence he would destroy 

how can you be sure about love if you're in it , if there is no demonstration clearly displayed to see 

how can i be sure that he loves me for me 

not what i give or what i can be if i have truly accepted me for me 

i long to feel love from a man who created me with his sperm 

not physical love from a boy with a toy in his sperm

im talking something long term 

deeply invested in things that cannot be given back like time memories laughs tears words, or the lack thereof 

the blacker the berry 

the sweeter the juice 

but in reality it's the blacker the baby the bigger officer dale shoots 

so how would you feel if it was I your baby girl shot by two rounds from a hand gun or how would you feel if it was your son who was choked out by another superior breed. 

you want to wait until im dead than try to love me 

you want to wait until im sick then try to protect me 

DAD DO YOU KNOW ME?

I'm your special daughter 

Dad my name is Brittny I have goals lines up for future i plan to succeed indeed

Because my love is strong for you

and you're the reason why i'm here i respect you 

however ill never forget the bull you put our family through 

I don't respect your lies nor do i care because of how you made my mother cry tears running down her face 

dripping from her eyes 

you so caught on what others think of you you're full of pride 

two wrongs don't make a right 

eventually what's done in the dark will come to the light 

But when will you realize you a coward and my love is fading for you 

the image of you holding me in the air twirling me around like i was a mini rocket still flies through my dome 

cause when im alone i be wishing for a father 

wanting to spend time with you and cry to you when im bothered

but things are working out like that 

i just want you to be a man and treat your family right 

cause when im thinking about my future all i think about is what not to do what you didn't do 

cause every action you show me turn out to be another bad fault and your ways are way too far out of bounds to save my respect for you 

Even though i love you pops i cant act like our bonds is as strong as my heart 

 No matter how many times i picked up the phone for you 

you never really showed for me

every promise that you made flew like darts and your target was my adolescent heart so it hurt 

even though we can blame it on the distance we were never really as far apart as the Atlantic ocean and the red sea 

yet blood is thicker than water 

still not important as your daughter 

you still love me right?

there were time i would listen to people mothers talk about how their kids dad wasn't nothing 

i'd close my eyes just to reminisce back to the first time you taught me how to ride a bike 

those forever moments really impacted the rest of my life 

if I fall would you pick me up , i fall would you pick me up again?

I guess you showed me how that love can be destructive 

that the reason your baby girl will never be love sick 

So dad hear my words 

Because of you i will NEVER stray too far from home 

i don't want to know how it feels to be right and wrong 

to a child that you're supposed to call your own and you've only disowned them 

THAT'S OKAY! IF YOU CAN ONLY REMEMBER ONE THING! REMEMBER THIS ! LOVE ME 

 

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