Dirty Secrets

Your smile had become an artifact 
A memory of the past as life became familiar
But still that was no excuse at all
For the evil that I did to you

.

If I missed it I should have worked extra hard 
To bring it back out through your burgundy eyes
But I was a coward and complacent too
And let these things slip away over time 

.

Why did I think you no longer cared 
Why did I erase you for that cheap affair
You had saved yourself for only one 
And sacrificed it all to marry me

.

I can't believe I forgot so soon
The heavy price you'd paid
That you killed yourself
In exchange for me 
And raised me from my former grave

.

I was supposed to be your warrior
I was meant to bring you joy 
And always defend your honour 
It was a priviledge I didn't appreciate
Even when you gave birth to our boy

.

What was I imagining at the time
What did I have in pathetic carnal mind 
When I swiped aside our diamond like a worthless grain of rice
And didn't notice how truly blind I was

.

Did I think I'd have a better life 
After I let off some built up steam
How did I not know the reality
That it was not at all a fantasy
But the gateway to a nightmare
Filled with your cutting screams

.

I thought it wouldn't hurt you 
What a dumb thought to think
You have every right to shame me 
My actions were far from dignified
I cheated on you and lied

.

Our innocence is tarnished 
We're no longer the ideal couple 
Instead we are flawed
And far from an image of God
I've transfigured the very purpose 
Of our sacred soul

.

Should my sin you cover
You double would become so much
A better lover than loathsome me 
Who abused my freedom so God-damned easily

.

I took you for granted 
And am feeling it now
Pain stirs about
Radiates from within my chest 
Unsettles my mind under contorted brow

.

The power ballance has shifted
What was noble has become ignoble
Could we in any way be redeemed and restored
At this juncture I religuish all control

.

I entrust it to your judgment 
To retain my name

.

or bid me go