Discovered Love

I was still a girl, transitioning into womanhood, he treated me like a lady, he made me feel good.

He was 24, I told him I was 18, why wouldn’t he believe me, I told him I was still a virgin.

He was gentle, he told me that he loved me, he made me feel special unlike my family at home. 

This went on for quite some time, that was until I told him I thought I was pregnant, he quickly moved on. 

I was forced to go back to my parents, they made sure to remind me that I was wrong, they made me feel shameful. 

The Catholic Church told them I had to get an abortion, my mom didn’t agree thank God, her husband could careless.

I didn’t know my biological father, many step-dads later and I never had a good male connection.

I was a pawn in life’s chess game, I was reminded regularly I was insignificant, I desired to feel wanted.

“ I desired to feel loved”

I desired to have a good father, I was jealous of other girls who felt special, I got to see them being spoiled by their dads, I was confused about genuine love, I was a young girl that didn’t like my childhood, so I pretended to be a woman, he knew I wasn’t, he knew he didn’t love me, he got what he wanted and I became a teenage mother.

”I desired to feel special”

It was not a man, nor a father to fill the void I desired, but rather a little boy who called me mother, it is he who taught me about love, it is he who showed me what I desired, when I looked into his eyes after 8 hours of labor, I knew he would forever love me like I’ve always wanted, he made me feel special.