Dreams

Staring out the window, into a field of dead flowers.
Listening to a song, saying how much I couldn't care.
When, in all reality, I do.
 
My heart grew cold to your dieing touch.
All of these pictures show me memories of which I don't remember, or could recall.
Happy moments, captured with a flash, then printed onto film,
yet not by heart, mind, nor by my soul.
 
Traveling throughout life, with nothing more than a false smile.
Almost as if it is painted on my face. 
Am I alive?
 
I cannot see the world as I once did.
No luminous rainbow after the tornado.
Just the destruction after its fury.
The mess I alone have to pick up and assemble again.
 
The dreams we both had planned for each other.
Turned into nightmares
Or have they always been just that?
Scared to try anew.
Facing my fears alone.
Without guidance, without my leader.
 
I have seen people lose less than I have.
Yet I imagine their pain is significantly stronger.
I think about how they seemed to have survived,
So I shall survive,
Press on, live for her.
Be what she couldn't.
Be the person my mother should have been.
That is my honest to God biggest Dream and goal for my life.