Eleven

I have this deep fascination with the number eleven.

Eleven. I was eleven when I shook hands with reality and I was eleven when life took me by the hand in the most beautiful and delicate manner and tossed me to the side with the rest of its clueless admirers.

When I was eleven I was worried about that man who smiled at me, while my friends were worried about how many silly bans they had.

When I was eleven I was scared to be alone, while my friends all giggles and laughed at the boy who winked at them in Science class.

When I was eleven I was help up against a wall in a PUBLIC place as an older man grasped by little awkward scared body and squeezed it as if he were feeling an avocado to see if it was ready to eat.

When I was eleven I looked insanity in the eyes, and when I was eleven my mind was forced to grow ten times quicker than my body.

When I was eleven I realized life isn’t fair and when I was eleven, I lost every pound, any ounce of my innocence and childhood.

Eleven.

Eleven is how many times I cry my self to sleep each month, and yes I’ve counted.

Eleven is how many times I want to punch people in the face as they manage to create the most ignorant statements I have ever heard, and they try to act as if they understand when they cant even figure out what to wear in the morning.

Eleven is when I hated myself.

ELeven, Eleven was when I was beat with the bat of life and pelted by stone rocks of fear and buried so deep down into life that I had to claw my way out.

And when I finally reached the surface, instead of laying down in the sun, I was too focused on cleaning the dirt from underneath my nails.

Eleven was when I realized that although I was introduced to life at its worse, and although I hated myself and everyone around me, although I couldn’t stand being called beautiful, I hated being looked at, I didn’t understand the meaning of love or being loved, because in reality it is two different things.

Although I didn’t understand at first, I was introduced to something new and wonderful. I was introduced to me.

I’ve always had this fascination with the number eleven, and I never quiet understood why.