Estranged

I live my life---or don't
As though I were in a constant state of break-up
 
I mull, I loaf about
 
The dishes stacked
The drips a-dripping
 
The rug pulled up tight
Tight yet loosely falling onto the floor,
As I cramp up beside piles of random stories that share my bed
 
The window lets in a thin sliver chill
It keeps reopenning the gashes to my ego
 
The light is dimmed
My face is blank and bloodless
 
The whole of my existence:
Residue of an estranged partner,
A partner I have never known
 
Not more than a one night stand
A decades-long rendezvous
 
I feel lost where I am found
Pause button
Broken record on a loop of contented nonsense
 
I don't want to leave this space to which I never arrived
And yet, I do not wish to stay