Everything and Nothing

My mental illness is inside me like the helium in a ‘get well soon’ balloon.
It fills my entire existence.

It makes me feel like I’m in virtual reality
watching an indie movie
about a girl who can’t stand living in her own soul
because I don’t feel anything at all
everything around me is a shell that I have hibernated in for 17 years.

You never know loneliness until you lose yourself to oblivion.
You watch as people pass you
but it means nothing if you don’t even have the company of yourself.
It’s deafening.
Hearing nothing but the sound of a hollow heart beating.
It’s as loud as the gunshot.