Poem - 28 November 2018, 16:07

Everything eventually

Kylie Williams

As I try to avoid the irrational games political perks, every insult some how crammed with insight that ur own mind created outta hatred. I've been ever so patient n more then understanding, Ive given so much time and so much of me it's been so long since I was able to b anything but a victim, passed down like I'm second hand, let down n lost grip with every hand, misunderstood amongst the confusion of understanding, flying past the insight of learning yet being caught up by the most charming yet evil demons that basks n laughs at my grieving. When I walk into the room I feel the mood change as if I'm carrying a frequency that detours people away from me, the look on my face the energy around me only brings negative energy to surround me n continue suffocating me. The world isn't such a beautiful place and people don't love as much as they hate nor do they care what it is they take never putting things back in there place. Born without the grace of a girl it's apart of my curse being born into the world confused by the anger haunted by violence as the majority of it I've spent in silence. No1 to listen without judgement no1 to care with sentiment no1 to love without pure resentment a life lived being regimental until I lost all my potential to over come the most hardest triumphs and mend the most broken down heartaches I never thought I'd ever brake. I've learned to tell myself I love myself every single day yet there's a voice in my mind that won't believe what I say, dictates n plays with my feeling put thoughts in my brain calling myself a liar over n over again, I've tried to argue I've tried to trick I've tried my best to fight it yet nothing seems to frighten it my mind is darkened n my soul no longer enlighten it's heavy n distant from any kind of compassion or kindness. I figure happiness. Just doesn't know where to find us n cos of the cold dark evil space that holds us in this place only allows only gives never forges or fakes puts the deepest life lines scaring ur face. It was always my objective to not try to reflect this on anyone ever. As much as I tried to deni it I'm fuked up n I can't hide it.....my version of myself has reflected all the years I was neglected n wether or not I except it there's not much I can do about it. I've tried to change what I know force myself to let it go trick myself into being free yet fact is I'm in a prison u see.......chained by echoes, bound by words, cursed by a love that hurts, held back by mistrust continuously misunderstood never quiet right yet more wrong then I'll ever be right, unlucky yet wide eyed n keen to learn after all the shit I've withstood, always go the extra mile just bcos I could, Violence that couldn't b hidden hurt that would change everything. A walk threw hell b4 I was old enough to understand that at the end of the day one my own two feet I'll have to stand n as fine as they become the details in the Devils deals it's also the reason we don't belong here, yet were damned within this jam of collective n dysfunctional mess we've been cursed to feel the worst of everything n less likely to experience infinite joy or a happiness that comforts such a bleak n bland outlook n morbid feeling. Never allowing myself to let myself just love what I'm able to, what I know I can. Many a nites n days spent never understanding the lack of confidence n never knowing where to find it. Lost with my sense of self unable to become some1 else yet never quiet fitting the right shoes to b able to walk with any1 else either.........it's not like any1 tried to walk with me neither. As lonely as it is I can't change the things that have happened to me I can't b some1 else or have the life they live. A world of displacement chronologically I wasn't meant to be anymore then I have been imperatives for carrying on the aftermath of my childhood my vulnerability lays within a distractive path a wake of male violence, a fukin hecticly insaine n undeniable riot. Harassment the unnerves detachment and creates unhealthy patterns emotionally mentally it destroys Everything.......... eventually.

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