Excuses My Self Defense

Listen to me my love,
For I know an apology is due,
But if you experienced life in my eyes,
Witnessing what I go through.
The bombardment of dagger cutting words,
Designed specifically to be thrown at your back,
My guard doesn't seem to let up,
When under constant attack.
It has taken some time to learn,
To always have something to say leave yourself an out,
Keeping up with being a step ahead,
I'd thought by now you would know what i'm about.
Excuses excuses unaware of how many I deal,
By the thousands you careless to hear,
But the wall I built now builds itself,
And I fear for your safety my dear.
After so long of adapting to solidify my self defense,
I have to adjust to your wish to somehow disarm,
A conscious decision implemented deep in the layers,
When uncomfortable it's cause to raise the alarm.
The system can be altered,
To change in time,
Reducing a force field to a shield,
That would serve as a just in case to get behind.
Sorry doesn't cut it can't it be a start,
Far too long the verbal beatings endured has wounded me enough,
A resilient side prepares for battle,
Though a firing of exchanged words results in love.