Exhale

Exhale

This inexplicable twinge scratches at the surface

Its very presence threatens my identity

I am not allowed to feel and not allowed to go astray,

Upright and full of every good characteristic is who I must be,

Yet this throbbing refuses to cease

And still yet no matter the circumstance I must keep my composure,

I inhale, but the air is too thin

And I know immediately I must leave this house,

For it is full with the expectations I fear I will never meet,

And year after year expectations became my enemy

 Their shadows haunt me with every move I make

Consistently mocking my insuperiority 

They lurk in darkness waiting to expose me

My mind is made and I make my move

The door knob is smooth against my skin

The other side of it offering air for my suffocating lunges,

I open the door and my face collides with the wind

My chest begins to collapse with pressure

Unwilling to turn back out of fear of what awaits in the shadows

I step forward and inhale 

There is something going on that I cannot explain,

My heart beats strikes every thought

Sending my mind into a spiraling mesh of chaos

Questions of my existence fills my mind,

The emptiness that I have come to know as my emotions overtake me

And I inhale, because for now it is the only thing I’m sure of

A yell echoes in the creases of my soul

My insides bend and churn as the sound bellows deep within,

I open my eyes searching and aching for relief

My lips part as the pain of withheld screams threaten to explode

My throat closes around the assailant in an attempt to contain it,

I focus on my breaths, but they are harsher now

And the faster they come the more I hear the monster within me groan

My nails begin to make indents across my neck as I attempt to tame the beast,

I feel my eyes widen as the ground lunges itself at me,

Soon we are one, and the coolness of earth against my face is validating

Until now nothing has seemed real

But this ground hard beneath me is truth

As I fold my legs into my chest I lose my hold

And the culprit makes a run for it

My throat gives way from exhaustion and my lips part,

And from the pit of my being sound escapes,

Its presence in the earth loosening my grip on gravity

 I feel myself drifting high above every thought I knew to be mine,

Emptiness kisses my cheek and consents my release,

And He rewards me with freedom

 From every weight that once threatened the light in my eyes,

I hear the distant calls of a bird overhead

I inhale the sweet smell of sugarcanes being carried by the wind

My hair brushes across my nose and I know what is real

Then, for the first time, I exhale

Yes, I exhale.