Fainting

The girl closes her bedroom door.  
She hears it finitely click and turns to stand in front of the mirror.  

This girl is good.
She is okay
She is loved by everyone around her…
She is loved by herself.  

As she stares into the mirror,
Her smile begins to falter,
Her shoulders drop,
Her breath grows shaky,
Her hands start to tremble,
And within an instant this girl is gone and she returns.  

She is broken.  
She is weak.  
She is controlled by fear and anxiety.  
She hates everything she sees.  
She doesn’t know how to be okay.  
She is unacceptable.  

As she stares into the mirror, the image slowly starts to blur as the tears burn through her
eyes.  
The image disappear as she squeezes her eyes closed tightly.  
She turns her back to the mirror and slides down it until she is sitting on the floor.  
She brings her knees to her chest
And wraps her arms around them.
 
She opens her eyes and looks at the tear distorted room in front of her.  
She focuses her gaze down onto her hands and watches as they tremble uncontrollable.  
She stares at them and wills them to stop
They only shake harder.  

She balls her hands into fists and lets her head fall into the mirror behind her…
Too hard,
Wondering if it shattered…
Wondering if she could shatter too…   

Then her head snaps up
And begins to spin.  
She has emails to send.  
Books to read
A family to socialize with  
Work in under 12 hours
An image to uphold

Suddenly, her tears stop.  
She cannot break.  
No one can see her break
This girl must stay hidden…
buried
deep
Where no one can find her.  
Her head swirls faster as her vision starts to fade
And her knees grow weak.
And her body grows limp.
And her head begins to lull back.

As she feels her body falling to the floor
She hears her voice:
How can you act okay?  
How can you act happy?  
How can you act?  
How?  
How?  

And then all is black.
She has fainted.
But in this moment.
She is as free from her anxiety as she’s ever been

Would it be so wrong…
To want to...
Stay like this…

Forever?