Falling Apart

I recently went on short-term disability
My mind was screaming with stress
and uncontrollability
The signs were all there
of me heading back into despair
No way would I let that happen
I didn’t want to become another
 statistic who ‘fell off the wagon’
Life seemed so overwhelming
I needed a break from reality
I needed a break from everything
So, I left my job for a bit
needing to sit and think for a minute
Multiple things seemed to spiral downhill from there
Bills stacked up so high, I’m thinking, this shit doesn’t
seem fair!
My mind shattered and hit rock bottom when I got
the call my car was in a wreck so bad it was totaled out
I started thinking that my faith was being tested, that the
devil himself wanted me to doubt
Nothing is going right, everything falling apart
My faith wavering, as if Satan already has a head start
 
One day I’m in the store
I get this strong need to
Get on my knees -telling me
“pray Tashia, your faith is at war”
 
I get on my knees and start to pray
People staring and whispering but
I didn’t care-I had something to say
 
Lord, please don’t let Satan win
Please don’t let him alter my faith and
Crawl back in
It took me a long time to banish him from
My life
It felt like an eternity before my heart and soul
Were no longer in strife
Give me the strength and courage to keep going
 I need the glory you give, over me, to keep glowing
 
I have this feeling that all will be okay
That somehow things will work themselves out
Because you always find a way
My faith, I will not ever doubt
Thank you, Heavenly Father
 
I leave the store with a smile on my face
Feeling much better about the upcoming battle, the
Ultimate race
I will steer away from the worry and the
Fear of my life falling apart
And give it to God, for it was His to bare from
The start