Final Thoughts

My toes leave the edge of the chair,
Leaving me hanging in the air.
Happy endings don’t exist,
No matter what the fairy tales all insist.
This is for the better, I deserve this.
Of every mirror I am afraid.
I have a sin that will never fade,
A stain that won’t wash away.
So this is my last and final day.
The rope tightens around my throat
Maybe I should have left a note.
What am I doing, how did this happen?
I think of my mother’s loving face
The look on it when she sees my carcass
Maybe I should have just run away
When they find me here what will they say?
Maybe I can correct this ordeal.
I grasp at my neck but my fingers can’t feel.
Who am I, what have I become?
The regret is unbearable, what have I done?
The guilt is everywhere, I can’t run.
Why did I turn out this way?
If only someone told me that it was going to be okay.
If only I’d known that I wasn’t always alone.
If I could turn back time, I would.
I’d return to my carefree childhood.
I no longer want this, how do I stop this?
I don’t want this to be how I’m remembered,
“The one who surrendered”
That’s not how I want to be defined,
But my toes can’t reach the chair behind.
The walls are closing in, I’m losing my vision.
I don’t want this to be my fate,
I want to go back but now its too