Foggy mind and misty sight, Through splintered thoughts

01/11/2021
Foggy mind and misty sight,
Through splintered thoughts

Blunders through the day,
Blunders through the night.
Blunders,
Seemingly,
where ever I go.
All because of my,
Foggy mind and misty sight.
The more those close to me add to my fires embers,
The more within me,
Anger resides.
I hate how speaking out and having a voice,
Makes people run,
Turn tail and hide.
Grow some backbone.
Grow some balls like my partner and me.
Just don’t lie,
Talking fictionally..

I’ve got thorns,
No.
 splinters now,
All throughout my life.
It’s going to take a lifetime of repairing,
To pull them all out.
Each one leaving a scar.
Not physically but mentally,
Causing me depression.
So much so,
My life has been turned inside,
Then out.
Never before with others have I felt like this.
All from things being said and messed about.
May the autumn winds drive all the bad energy away.
All of others doubt.
I should start charging for views of my life,
Kind of like a ticket tout.
Everyone wants a viewing.
They act like a critic and air my actions out loud.
Yet other people’s own actions get swept under the proverbial rug.
Left there with their lies of not remembering,
No more of me,
Is anyone proud. 
I don’t get what’s the problem?
I only ever strive to make all those around me happy.
Is that not allowed? 
Again more lies and deception.
Control and manipulation.
Now it feels like I’ve no WiFi or data.
No connection.
Seems like,
as always,
I’ll be heading in a separate direction.
Part of my unconditional love shell,
Is heavily fractured from all the years of a battering ram type action.
I’ve been worn down,
I’ve snapped.
I’ve caused a nuclear reaction...

I’ve been toxic with my words,
But unfortunately they were things that needed to be said and aired.
Otherwise we blunder on in life,
Walking amongst eggshells.
To me isn’t fair.
No one should be made to think they can’t voice their own opinions.
It’s not like we’re actually from communist states,
Like Northern Korea. 
I’m done with listening to lies and jealousy.
Talking behind people’s backs and burning others ears.
You really think you know the people around you.
Especially after 36 hard fought years.
Well 21,
As was when my nightmare began,
Being told I had weeks left to live,
due to cancer fears.
I went into Fighter Mode.
And my loved ones ended up in tears.
.now I’m left in the gutter.
So to you all,
Thank you and cheers!
I feel like I’m the black sheep of our family,
As I’m saving my life with cannabis.
Would they prefer me to be an alcoholic,
Addicted to vodka,
Wine and super strength beers?
Can’t they just see the good it does,
And instead of all the criticism,
A
Well done from my family and peers.
Not just left here,
Wishing the world would swallow me up,
Holding back a whole lifetime of torrential tears!

I’m left with a Foggy mind and misty sight,
Through splintered thoughts.
Shreds of skin torn,
My flashing red blood,
Gleaming so dark yet bright,
From awful memories or actions played over in my head,
That attack me when I’m alone at night!
As By morning I’m left so bad.
I feel as though I’ve been left for dead!