From 4am in the morning thoughts

25/05/2020
4am in the morning thoughts

I can’t sleep!
Insomnia is taking over my vessel,
Taking over me.
How can I sleep properly,
With thoughts like these,
Rushing around in my brain.
All scrambled together,
Although it feels like it,
I’m not actually insane.
Just can’t get to sleep,
Staring out once again,
From my living room sofa,
Looking out of my window pane.
Hearing the birds,
As they awake for the day,
Listening to their dawn song,
And the music they play.
Forgetting,
For just these few peaceful moments,
Side-tracked,
From my eternal,
Internal pain.
Just in that moment,
As the sky goes from dark to grey,
And before the blue skies appear.
It’s now the start of the 28th of May,
13 more days,
till my 35th birthday.
Only 5 more,
And I’m hitting 40.
Something I never thought ,
I’d get the chance to say.
As the Drs wrote me off,
From the very first day.
I showed them great will,
I showed them I’m a fighter.
Even when,
My life was in complete dismay.
Hit by hit and I’m starting to fade away.
I’ve noticed it recently,
how when I walk,
I stagger,
I sway.
My god but it’s hard,
Living with pain in this way,
Why does it have to be eternal?
I mean in pain that I stay?
I put it all to the back of my mind,
And look out at the trees,
As they shake and sway,
Each time they get hit,
By a seemingly sonic air wave.
4.30,
Now on my sofa drifting,
In and out of a sleepy haze,
There’s no way I’m fully waking now,
For the start of my day.
My own snoring being the thing,
Now keeping me awake.
Now's when I realise,
Waking up for food,
Was my own mistake!
When am I going to let my body,
Mind and soul,
Have a full rest and recuperate? 
As I don’t see that happening,
Living my life,
At this full rate!
I’m sure my insomnia,
Is to do with my new test results,
And how long I now have to wait.
Living my life in constant limbo,
Is a horrible kind,
of constant mind state!
Finally my vision is now becoming more tired hazy,
I’m going to stop writing now,
Before in my sleep,
I write something crazy.
Anyway,
it's 5am now,
So when I awake,
I’m sure to feel lazy!