Head in the clouds

" Mommy there's a froggy"
An innocent in my little brothers voice makes me want to curl up and be little again. 
To a time where daddy tucked me away and I could still see cloud figures all year long even if it involved laying in the snow till my body went cold.
 But mama!
Look there's animals in the clouds. I want them to come down so they can take me away.
Mama.
Daddy's not around anymore and sissy says he's in the clouds. 
Mama.
I don't want to stare at the clouds anymore.
What if dad catches me and takes me away. 
What if he sees all the scars I have made. There on my skin and I hide them with clothes.

It's hot outside today. mama says I don't have to wear a sweater because I won't get cold but I tell her I'm freezing anyway. 
The nurses say it's because I haven't eaten all day.  
The innocence in his voice disappears when he forgets how to speak and his eyes are blurry with tears.
He tells me that he's sad because he can't see his dad And it's not because he's in the clouds with mine but because I've got a restraining order against him. 
Mama
I don't think you understand that I'm not the only one falling apart. He's only 6 and he's already forgetting how to smile without causing something harm. He's too young but he's already establishing our destructive family trait.  
"Mommy there's a froggy" 
Brother, hang on to this innocence because it might be the only thing stopping you from falling apart. 
Mama and little brother. Please don't search for the time where I was just a little girl and the moment  where everything changed. Because I don't think that there's an exact moment.