Home of Bad Habits

It became like home to me

The burning smell of your cigarettes laying in the ashtray like a coffin of someone used and forgotten 

The empty wine bottle tipped on its side, the last lonely drops falling to the carpet, staining it like a cruel imprint on my life

But here I stayed

As you became like home to me

The way you touched my soul just by gazing at me with those deep brown eyes, my god it was like starring into space and realizing there would always be another secret hiding in the darkness just out of sight

The words dripping out of your lips as sweet as candy, making me for one second forget how bitter the whiskey that filled your mouth really was

So I let it become like home to me

I let myself accept the bad since I was too weak to allow myself to let go of the good

And soon everything blurred like a fairytale that lost its way and ended up in a nightmare

I fell in love with your bad habits the way no one ever should

How I couldn't wait for the next cigarette to be lit, only to leave your lips so you could utter the words "I love you"

And for the next drink to be poured because only then could I feel the warmth of your body on mine

I fell in love with those moments, those brief instances where I could pretend everything was normal

And soon enough it became normal to me, almost comforting in a bizarre way to be able to accept the dysfunctional nature of our love

But for a reason I could not grasp, I continued to ignore that screaming thought in the back of my head

You have grey smoke and liquor to calm your chaos

But my only bad habit is you.